A woman is by nature more emotional, especially in matters of motherhood. The strong half, on the contrary, is distinguished by rational thinking and, as a rule, makes decisions in a balanced and thoughtful way. Therefore, if the beloved person rejects the proposal to have offspring, then do not throw a tantrum, you need to try to find out the reason why the guy does not want children.
What drives the senses?
First of all, it is worth noting that for men and women, the motivation to replenish the family is significantly different. If for a future mother it is a period of bearing a child, a feeling of the origin of life in oneself, an opportunity to show all your care and love for a little crumb, then for a man everything is different. For the alleged father, the inspiration will be the opportunity to share his knowledge and skills, give his name to the heir and continue the clan. However, this does not mean that the man will not show warmth and care for the baby, he just does not think about it. Feelings often come after the birth of a child.
One of the reasons why the guy does not want children at all may be his excitement that the beautiful and well-groomed life partner, who is nearby, will change. He believes that after childbirth the figure of the beloved will change, she will become nervous and will focus only on the constantly crying baby. To change a man’s erroneous opinion, it’s necessary to start looking after yourself today: dress beautifully not only in the light, but also at home, look after your face and body, go in for sports, not give in to irritants and smile more often.
Often a man needs more time to realize that the woman next to her is the one and only. Therefore, he postpones the issue of childbearing. This situation is more characteristic of young people who have not registered their relationship and are living in a civil marriage. If, recently, quarrels and conflicts have become more frequent in the family, including for the reason that the guy does not want a child, you may first need to understand the relationship.
Mistress, jealousy, other children
One of the saddest facts explaining why a guy does not want a child is another woman. It can be just a hobby, a serious romance or the inability to choose the one with whom he is better. In any case, no matter how painful it is, it is definitely not worth giving birth to a child from such, to put it mildly, frivolous life partner.
There are times when a husband loves his wife so much that he simply does not want to share it with anyone, even his own child. The reason may lie in selfishness or originate in early childhood. Some children experience tremendous emotional stress when a younger child appears in the family and less attention is paid to them. This is delayed in the subconscious, and as an adult, a man again encounters the same feelings. Here it is necessary to constantly convince the beloved that he is the one and only, and after the birth of the baby, do not forget to praise for the wonderful paternal qualities. He will certainly understand that children are happiness.
It is not uncommon in our time and such a situation when, entering into a new marriage, a man already has a child from a previous union. It is good if the former spouses have friendly relations. Otherwise, he will not want to have children in fear of repeating mistakes. And, of course, any sane person understands what responsibility this is, including material. In this case, do not rush. It is important to act gradually, to explain how important it is for a woman to become a mother, that he is the very man from whom she wants to give birth. If a partner asks what your sadness is connected with, without reproaches and clarification of relations, it is worth returning to an exciting topic. Perhaps in the near future a man will still decide to have children or he will have to make a choice.
Fear of the child and disease
Most people understand that children are happiness. But in rare cases, a man has a so-called fear of the child, when there is a fear of communication with the baby. In this case, you need to visit more often couples who have children. Thus, fear will gradually dissipate.
Fear of giving birth to an unhealthy child is characteristic not only of expectant mothers, but also of future dads. Unfortunately, the birth rate of sick children is increasing annually, so this issue must be approached with particular care. A few months before the proposed conception, you need to undergo a full examination, get rid of bad habits, maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Health or financial problems
One of the reasons that a guy does not want a family and children may be due to illnesses. Most likely, health-related anxieties are not unfounded. If there are such concerns, it is necessary to consult a psychologist, immunologist and genetics to be sure of further actions. In no case should you risk the health of the unborn child and your beloved spouse.
Often a man may not mind giving birth to children. Moreover, he is convinced that in the first place it is necessary to create a solid material basis for the family. And this is not bad at all, which means that he takes his direct responsibilities seriously. If such excuses last for more than one year, and financial issues are not completely resolved, you should consider continuing the relationship.
Here it will not be amiss to recall the biological clock and the fact that material well-being can be achieved even when the time for the birth of children has irrevocably gone. You can jointly calculate the monthly income of the family and expenses, taking into account a small family member, for sure everything is not so bad. It is necessary to determine short-term financial goals and agree that after their achievement the issue of childbearing will be decided.
Fear of imprisonment and a desire to live for yourself
Naturally, with the birth of a child, family life undergoes a change. A certain group of men is afraid of this. If a guy does not want to marry, most likely, he thinks that he will not be able to meet friends, have fun in clubs, go to football matches. Partly he is right, but a child is not a stumbling block. Most of your favorite and familiar things will still be available. Babysitters and grandparents will always come to the rescue. In the end, you can reach an agreement with your mom by letting her go to the cinema with one of your friends one day and meeting your friends in the sports bar the other day.
When a man says that he wants to live for himself, usually this wording conceals a fear of responsibility and cardinal changes. Today, he is satisfied with a calm and comfortable life together. Having seized the right moment, you need to talk with him about plans for the near future and ask if he has a desire to have a baby. It’s good if he sets a deadline. Otherwise, you should not waste your time and wait more than two years.
Fears in a relationship
The fact that a guy does not want a child may be due to a reluctance to build a serious relationship with a particular girl. Perhaps, being next to her, he is waiting for a more suitable option. If this is the case, do not be with such a life partner.
Intimate life is important for any man. He is not ready to give up regular, good sex because of the birth of heirs. It is necessary to call him into conversation and find out what specifically his fears are connected with. If possible, he should be convinced of their groundlessness.
Another reason is that the guy is younger and does not want children. It is possible that he is not confident in himself, his companion, or his relationship as a whole. There is something to think about for a woman.
Unsuccessful examples of friends and relatives can also cause a man’s reluctance to have children. Trying on other people's mistakes is not the best way to a happy family life. In addition, for sure, there are friendly families with children in your environment. It is important to make it clear that initially a strong union can not destroy anything, especially children.
Fear of having a second child
Happy motherhood causes a desire to have more children. Moreover, a man does not always agree with his other half, especially if little time has passed since the birth of the first-born. Life has not yet returned to normal, repairs are not completed, and the financial situation is not stable. It is worth taking a look at the situation realistically and not insist.
Another thing is when several years have passed since the birth of the first child, and the guy says that he does not want more children. Perhaps there are important reasons for this. A man knows from personal experience what the family is faced with, how much money, time and effort has to be invested in the upbringing and education of a new family member. Therefore, do not put pressure on your spouse, he has the right to his opinion. In the end, once he had already lost.
What to do
Often you can hear a complaint from the girls: my boyfriend does not want children. What to do? The situation can be corrected if you act wisely and slowly. Perhaps one of these tips will contribute to a successful solution to the problem when the guy does not want a child:
- It is necessary to find out the specific reason for the refusal to have children. Talk without swearing and decide which direction to move on.
- Sometimes it’s enough to start small. For example, have a pet. Of course, an animal is not a child, but it provides an opportunity to show their parental qualities and realize responsibility. The joy of communication and the love of a living being will be a reward.
- Often, communication with married couples with children, joint walks with them encourage men to acquire offspring and make it clear that children are not so scary.
- It is important to establish relationships, spend more time together, communicate on personal topics.
- Properly prioritized play an important role in family relationships. For a woman, in addition to her own interests, the husband should take first place, and after him - children. Otherwise, the family may break up.
- You need to control your desires. Simultaneous planning to have a child, buy a new car or a fur coat, most likely, will make the man wait. He should see that a woman is ready to pacify her desires in order to achieve common goals.
- You can not force a husband to intimacy, such activity may seem strange to him.
- Down with boredom and monotony. A man must understand that next to him is a cheerful, intelligent, bright and deep personality, and it is from such a life partner that he wants to have children.
- A woman should be well-groomed and desired, because men love with their eyes. Any girl feels more confident if she looks good.
- Let the beloved sees that his wife is happy.
Frequent mistakes of the weak half
Many women in a fanatical desire to become a mother themselves destroy family relationships. The most common mistakes:
- If initially the guy does not want to marry, you need to think about whether to build a relationship with him further. No need to harbor illusions on this score.
- Pregnancy without the consent of a man. The child should be desired and planned by both parents. If a woman decides to do this without the consent of her husband, it will no longer be a partnership. Here will be fair his indignation and regarding such a step as deception. As a result, there will be a crack in the relationship that can destroy them.
- No scandals, they will only aggravate the situation and give reason to think about whether you want to have a joint child with a hysterical woman.
- Close up, move away, talk in hints. If a woman thinks about conceiving a baby, it is worth talking directly about this. If the man answered with a decisive refusal, there is no need to shut himself down. It is worth making a decision whether to continue the relationship.
- Blackmail and threats. The child should be born in a family where both parents are waiting for him, and not because the pope had no choice.
- Hard pressure. You can not put pressure on a man. You need to explain to him how old you can give birth and what is fraught with the late appearance of children.
- It is foolish to blame a man for not wanting to have a baby; he has the right to choose.
- Give birth to keep a man. If the relationship is on the verge of breaking, the baby will definitely not stick them together. Children become a new stage in harmonious relationships if they are desired by both parents. Having decided against her husband’s will to have a child, the mother deliberately deprives herself of the opportunity to build a family with a man who loves her and condemns the child to grow up without a father.
- Hurry up with the answer. Any normal person needs time to decide on such an important step.
- Insist if the husband is ill with something. Selfishness is unacceptable here. Both the woman and the baby need a healthy dad.
How to persuade a man?
The desired result can be achieved through negotiations and discussions of all the pros and cons. If people have known each other for years and know each other well, finding the right approach is not difficult.
The desire immediately after the wedding to have a baby is at least unreasonable. It is necessary for some time to get used to the new status, to establish life and improve the financial situation. Perhaps the man wants to enjoy life together, travel, have fun and, having received this opportunity, will be ready to move on to the next stage in the relationship.
Then, slowly, the man is led to the decision to become a father. Having enlisted the support of relatives and friends, they unobtrusively touch on this topic at family celebrations, often communicate with relatives and friends who have children, and watch family films. It is important to remember: assertiveness in this matter is not an assistant, but a subtle psychological approach will make a man think that this is his own decision.
If a couple has been living together for more than a year, the life partner needs to be explained to what age can be born without harming the health of the woman and the unborn child. Experts advise to have a first-born before reaching the age of 25 years, and the next baby - up to 35.