Depending on our personality, upbringing, values and life experience, we approach the role of the mother in different ways. Each of us has our own strategy of behavior in different situations. Moms can be divided into many types: types of mothers in relation to education, in relation to the diseases of a beloved child, they can even be divided into subtypes and presented in a comic form, such as mother-ensign, mother-boa constrictor, mother-know-it-all, mother- alarmist or democrat mom. Nicknames speak for themselves. There are more than a dozen types of moms in the playground. These are mother-guardians and mother-instigators, mother-child, sprinter, business woman, paparazzi and many others. And you thought mothers are divided into 2 types, no more? What about you? Which one do you attribute yourself to?
Consider the five most recognizable types of moms. Obviously, there are much more of them, but the huge number of parents described here will also cover.
If in one of these five portraits you recognize yourself or you deviate from the normal way of raising children due to any life circumstances (like active work, for example), the advice of psychologists given in this article will help you correct the course. Here we look at the five types of parenting that you may have heard about recently and look at the healthy, harsh, and practical aspects of each. These psychological portraits may well be applicable to the division into types of mothers and fathers.
Mom drama
“Desperate Housewives”, move on, because this mother’s life is a soap opera! Concerned that emotional dangers are awaiting her child everywhere, she monitors the dynamics of games, analyzes guest lists at birthday parties, and checks every Instagram post for problems. A trifle, a minor glitch in the world of her child, is an earthquake in her. She refers to those types of mothers, when the child is sick or does not sleep well, then the mother is ready to call for shamans, energy healers and local psychiatry.
What is her strength? Mom-drama knows what happens to her children, with whom they spend time, this increases their safety, which is especially necessary in adolescence. Her children are also sure that they can trust their mother if something goes wrong with them.
What is she missing out on? She sets up her children to overreact to what they just need to let go. This can give rise to a tendency to dramatize the child or, conversely, develop secrecy in him. Children who are under the “microscope” can lie and hide a lot behind their parents.
How to fix mistakes for dramatic mothers
The reality is that our children will be loved by some people and not noticed by others - this is life. When a mother is too emotionally connected with everything that happens in a child’s life, her refusal to actively participate in the life of her son or daughter is perceived by her too painfully.
What can be done? Watch the weather in the social life of your children. Know their passwords on social networks and check back from time to time to make sure they visit safe places and chat with friends you know. But if you study every post or even comment, stop! It is very important that you allow your child to take his place in life. Find other social networks for yourself and ways to have fun.
Teacher Mom
She refers to those types of mothers who believe that this world was created only for her child, and everyone else just lives in it. She rarely ends a sentence in a conversation with another adult, without interrupting, to tell him about the life of her child in the style of a documentary. The baby may need a simple diaper change alone with her mother, but instead of a simple “pit stop”, she will try to discuss his need with him, instill in him the early skills of independence, up to and including insults to his mini-dignity. The self-confident mother-teacher simply says “no” to empty pastimes, television, harmful sausages and indulging in a toy store. Flashing lights can ruin his young mind!
What is her strength? The instincts of the mother-teacher are on the right track: it is reasonable to limit the viewing time, provide healthy food and give children the freedom to open their world.
What is she missing out on? Perhaps she feels guilty for hours spent away from her child (after all, she must work to be an example) and puts pressure on herself to be perfect at home. But if you inspire your child that the world revolves around him, you can develop narcissism in him.
What to change in a mother-educator
Democracy does not work in the family because the child does not have the wisdom or maturity to have equal voting rights with adults. Children need boundaries. They worry when they are gone. But this does not mean that young brains cannot learn important lessons. If you are firm in your demand - "time for a clean diaper!" - You demonstrate not only proper hygiene. You help your child learn to put off entertainment for a while and even tolerate disappointment - two of the most important life skills. The time of the game returns after the “work” on putting oneself in order is completed.
Mother martyr
She is from the type of mothers who are absorbed in motherhood, work, relationships with her spouse, educational program. Her calendar is clogged with small print commitments. She looks unkempt because of the torn bangs that she trimmed herself, pulling stretched leggings for yoga on the move. But she quickly explains to everyone that she is not really doing yoga. Neither time nor life - these children (with a hoarse, resentful sigh). There is nothing more satisfactory for her than when someone tells her: “I do not understand how you manage to do all this!”
What is her strength? She is a flint, a person who will undergo the necessary training course, if a pilot is needed, will help the housewife with a broken hip and her work team during the crisis. Her children see in her mother reliability and care for others.
What is she missing out on? Mom-martyr too often plays the second violin in her life. She is too plunged into the surrounding problems, which prevents her from making the necessary changes in her own life. In addition, the stigma of a martyr is not fun. Other mothers do not respect her because she does not show respect for herself. This type of caring mothers shows children that mothers do not bother about themselves, but only about others. And this feeling will remain with them when they themselves become parents.
How to stop being a martyr mother
Take a deep breath and unload the chart. Be ruthless about children's habits that make you feel most tired, for example, "there is no mom for you until 7 in the morning." Give up Sunday lessons of judo or tutoring on Friday night. And ask for help! Your children, your spouse, your friends. You really do not have to do everything yourself. Wear yoga pants, but find some space for a sports rug in your life. As airlines teach us, wear an oxygen mask first before helping others. By spending time relaxing and having fun, you allow yourself to be younger. And that ultimately makes you a better mom and a role model.
Mom Controller
Thunder and lightning! This proactive mother removes all obstacles from the path of her child. Super-active at work, she uses the same negotiation skills, discussing assignments with teachers and the rules of games with coaches. The pride of this mother will be that her beloved girl graduated from elementary school, thinking that she never lost. Her offspring is still far away, but she is already studying college, women's clubs, and promising majors just to keep abreast of the situation. In the end, she already has a five-year work plan.
What is her strength? She is a super-organized, effective lawyer who gives her children an excellent model of women in power. When they want to relax, they will know that they have an understudy.
What is she missing out on? In fact, she needs to let her children relax themselves and sometimes stumble. Constant intervention can make the child feel more right and less self-confident at the same time. Never lose or fall - it may be the worst way to learn how to solve problems. In addition, the “persistent snow blower” does not appeal to anyone around your child.
How to relieve pressure on the child to the mother-controller
Tirelessly notice how many times you intervened, this can become an invisible habit. Ask yourself: “What could happen worse if I do not intervene?” Keep in mind that child frustration is not fatal; in fact, it can be a powerful motivator. Instead of solving a problem instead, support your child by listening and coaching. And finally, breathe deeply. This is not a failure, it is a given. Give your children the opportunity to solve personal problems and to deal with age-related issues themselves.
Freely soaring mom
Oh, this cool girl understands helicopters and construction equipment, boasts that her children have “complete freedom”. In the end, she embodies her dreams at work, so her children should also be free to find their own ways. Favorite phrase - "When I was a child, I could ...". Her children will learn first-hand about sunburn, homework not done and what will happen if you forget to pry off the guards for a football match. They are free to freely express the whole gamut of their emotions without restrictions, which can be annoying to others or very loud.
What is her strength? Her children are competent, have good problem-solving skills. They probably will not bother with small household obligations, because no one in the house is fixated on this. They know that when they feel sad, happy, angry or upset, they do not need to restrain their emotions.
What is she missing out on? Freedom is an acquired privilege, and not just a refusal to participate in anything. In fairness, it should be noted that “freely soaring mothers” in the world of modern methods of education are not found as often as, for example, a type 2 mother. However, some parents suddenly switch and even become rude in high school: they are sure if you teach permissiveness and give their children more freedom, this will help them become more popular. Be honest with yourself and ask why you are doing this. Is this a reflection of your youth?
How not to overdo it with permissiveness
Children need freedom, but they also need support. When you are ready to give them freedom, control what they can be free of, look for options that will help develop the necessary skills: “yes, you can hang out with Sergey tonight, but please call when you get to the place, and when going home. ” But not freedom, which will lead to phone calls of angry neighbors, in the style of: “Of course, friends can come to you for the whole weekend while we are away.” Allow your child to express his feelings, but at the same time help him learn to understand them so that he can calm down. Tell me the strategy developed by my own experience. Ah, survival strategies are just what we all, all types of moms and dads, can use.