Many parents face problems in raising a teenager. They ask themselves: "Where did the charming, dear child go? How could he have changed like that?" And closer to the prom at school, the child becomes completely uncontrollable. Parents should remember that this is a common problem for many families. One way or another, this period must be overcome and try to improve relations with a son or daughter. We will try to understand this issue and understand how to find a common language with a teenager.
A difficult age
There are parents who fear the
transitional age of their children. Suddenly they get out of control, start smoking and drinking alcohol, dub themselves “hipsters” or start running away from home?
In fact, everything is not so scary. No wonder adolescence is called the "spring of life." And for most children, the sweet time begins. At this moment, it is necessary to learn to control the situation, support the child and not spoil the happy moments of youth. To cope with this, you need to plunge into another world - the world of a child - and understand what kind of changes occur at such a young age.
Another world
Surely many parents began to notice that the child began to speak a different language, dress strangely, be rude, provoke scandals, spoil his hair, listen to wild music and attract attention. Communication teenagers with parents comes to naught. They do not understand each other, because fathers and children are different generations who have their own values, worldview, vocabulary, aesthetics and so on. Naturally, the unknown is scary, especially if it concerns your own child. And to understand the mysterious world of a teenager, first of all, you need to listen to him, understand and accept. Parents are ready for dialogue, but the children are in no hurry to share the most intimate ...
What to do in such a situation?
Studying such sciences as developmental psychology and developmental psychology, most specialists came to the conclusion that the path to the child lies through understanding. To begin with, one should accept the fact that he may have other interests, even if his parents do not approve of them. Recall yourself in your youth, what you wanted then, what was missing .... Comparing your desires and behavior in youth with the way your child behaves, you need to establish new rules in your home: let your son or daughter listen to the music you like, wear whatever they want, use jargon without using profanity, and you it remains to understand and accept.
The more friendly the parents will relate to the teenager, the faster he will open and let into his inner world. Imagine this situation: the child went abroad. He fell out of our reality, began to speak another language. After his arrival home you will have to find a common language with him.
What can not be done
At this age, modern adolescents begin to resort to experiments with cigarettes and alcohol, fall into bad companies. This behavior terrifies parents. In addition to alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, there are several other vices that can affect a teenager - this is Internet addiction, extreme hobbies and unprotected sex. And here the worst thing begins: the more parents forbid, swear and punish, the more actively the child reaches out to his world - to the world of childish hobbies. And no matter how parents try, communication with teenagers does not lead to anything.
Psychology as a science says that such experiments have one feature. Indeed, in this way, children learn the world, not understanding where the boundaries of what is permitted end. If the conversation is about bad company or games with death, then you should beat the bells, the child is lost in the real world.
If a teenager "went" to computer games, this suggests that he replaces his prosaic days with fantasies. Drugs are used by children who want to drown out the pain. Bad companies are contacted by teenagers who feel like strangers at home.
Of course, there is no such recipe that could insure a teenager from the dangers on his way of growing up. But sometimes parents themselves exacerbate the situation: an unhealthy atmosphere in the family, scandals, screaming, scolding, a negative example of elders - all this pushes the child into the abyss.
Directions to move
Today's modern teens need help. In order to protect your child from dangerous situations, you need to act in three directions.
First of all, arm him with the necessary information. Some psychologists advise bringing the child to the oncology center, where patients are located, who at one time became interested in cigarettes. Show him the drug treatment center and tell about the consequences of drug abuse. Today, many modern teenage magazines publish information about how bad habits and dangerous experiments affect the life of a child, what it leads to.
If you do not know how to find a common language with a teenager, you should go in a different direction. Create the most confidential atmosphere in the house, treat the child with love and respect. Forget about aggression towards anyone. It is necessary to create such an atmosphere that he does not want to run away from home. Parents advice: do not smoke and do not drink alcohol in the presence of a child - he can take an example from you, and talk that smoking is dangerous to health will be in vain. Children copy the behavior of parents, so you need to become a vivid example for your child. Control your emotions, learn to listen, and most importantly, understand. Live his life together, and then he does not want to run away from home.
The third area is a firm ban on dangerous games. If a teenager violated it, then the violation should be punished. Features of communication with adolescents is a sequence of actions, you can not let go of the situation. For example, you caught a child with a cigarette, the punishment should not be aggressive or emotional, forbid him to walk for a week and do not break his word.
Sex. What is it?
According to statistics, most high school students lose their virginity at the age of 15 years. Sex drive is dictated by nature, and this is normal. But for a fifteen-year-old child, especially for girls, it is still too early to have sex in this area. And you can understand parents who are afraid of child sexuality, unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Fear pushes parents to make series of mistakes. No need to tell a teenager that sex is a terrible sin. Sexual attraction will not go anywhere, but the child will have a bunch of complexes. The time will come when he will need to start a family, and with what attitude will he approach such an important decision?
Developmental psychology and developmental psychology regarding sex are advised not to engage in moralizing. It is better to convey the maximum information to the child, explain how dangerous unprotected sex is, and what unwanted pregnancy can lead to . In this case, you do not need to meddle in his personal life.
How to find a common language with a teenager
Adolescence is also called fateful, crisis, vulnerable, difficult. During this period, a new person is formed who seeks to become an adult and tries to get rid of parental control. The child seeks himself, and in his search makes many mistakes. Many parents understand this, but do not know how to find a common language with a teenager in such a difficult time.
Of course, parents are upset when their son or daughter begins to be rude. Why is this happening?
Why are children rude?
The fact is that aggression is napping in every person. According to psychologists, in such qualities as determination, determination to assert oneself and the ability to defend one’s position, it is aggressiveness that is laid down. But it is worth noting that this quality sometimes helps a person to survive. Therefore, aggressiveness carries both a positive and a negative charge. And the form of its manifestation depends on the situation, nature and education.
Often, parents themselves become the cause of the rude behavior of their child. If in a family everyone speaks in raised tones, does not respect each other, then the child will grow up the same. And how can parents demand a good, respectful attitude from a teenager if he does not understand what it is, because he does not know how to do it differently?
Parent Mistakes
The main mistakes that parents make:
- lack of control;
- satisfaction of all needs;
- tough relationships;
- hypertrophied control;
- the desire to raise a child prodigy;
- emotional rejection.
In order for a child to grow up calm, obedient, that is, as his parents want him to be, first of all, it is necessary to give him freedom. “If you don’t touch the tree, it will grow even.” The child has grown, and it's time to get used to this thought.
- Parental moralizing annoys the child the most. Communication with a teenager should take place on a positive wave. The child has his own views and opinions, and this should be reckoned with.
- Compromise. Cursing with each other, no one will prove anything to anyone. Negative emotions will not lead to understanding.
- No need to reproach, offend the teenager and sting at him.
- Be firm in your decisions and consistent. You cannot demand from a child that you yourself are not doing.
This period is very difficult, and communication with a teenager can lead parents to a standstill. It must be remembered that this is youth, and the child is full of strength, he wants to love and be loved, to conquer the peaks, to commit crazy actions, he is interested in everything. It is at this age that he needs good friends, and it is good if it will be parents.