Surely every parent at least once thought about how to teach the child to obey the first time. Of course, it makes sense to turn to special literature, psychologists, and other specialists if the child refuses to hear you at all and does not fulfill even the simplest and most clear requirements, acting completely differently. If the baby begins to show its “I do not want, I will not” once in a while, then you can also fight this on your own, without resorting to repression and extreme measures. Today you will learn how to teach children to obey their elders without screaming, tears and tantrums, and not only parents but also children will benefit from this.
At what age can one begin to demand obedience?
To a certain point, you cannot convey to the child what you require of him. For example, some are interested in how to teach a child to obey a year! I want to immediately note that this is unrealistic. The fact is that the kid at this age only understands the words "Ay, it hurts" (when you can’t, for example, climb to a wall outlet), "Ay-yay-yay" (when, for example, you tear off a piece of wallpaper), but he still doesn’t will go to bed at exactly 9, because you said so, he will not pick up toys, but on the contrary, when trying to collect them he will scatter even more - he plays! At the age of two years, babies have a clear "I need, want, do not want." They don’t understand why something cannot be done, if it’s so much fun, why you need to close your eyes and fall asleep, if you don’t feel like it, and so on.
You need to start teaching obedience to children from the age of 2 years. Earlier - it makes no sense, later - you can be late, and the child will become, as many will say, spoiled and naughty! But there are no naughty children, there are misplaced priorities, and the fault lies with the parents only.
We suggest that you first familiarize yourself with the 10 rules compiled by child psychologists. How to teach a child to obey, with their help it will be easier to understand. Next, we consider in more detail certain problems.
Golden rules for raising an obedient child
- There are times when the parents first instructed the child (to collect toys, remove the scattered paper, and so on), and then they did everything for him, or canceled / postponed the order (for example, they went for a walk, saying that you can complete the task later) . This cannot be done! You can cancel your order only in extreme cases, if there really is a need!
- Remember that the baby does not understand this: “Go there, you yourself know what needs to be done” (for example). The order must be formulated clearly, with established deadlines. For example: "While I am preparing to eat, you need to put away your toys."
- It is necessary to teach the child to follow his instructions immediately. Only in this way will he begin to obey the first time, and you will not need to repeat the requirement several times. At the moment when the child has to do something, he should not have gadgets in his hands, he should not be passionate about something. First, you need to attract his attention to yourself, to make sure that you are heard, the request is understandable and accepted for execution.
- With children, parents should not swear and argue among themselves! If this happened, you need to quickly seek a compromise and put up with a child as well. For him, both parents should remain leaders, otherwise he will join a strong side, and he will simply ignore the requests and instructions of a stable-losing dispute.
- If the child disobeys once, punishment must be applied. I disobeyed the second time - to make the punishment more severe (not to be confused with cruel).
- What remained banned yesterday remains today! Never change your mind. For example, it was impossible to take sweets yesterday before meals, but today it has become possible.
- Too often, you cannot demand something from the child. Do not command them all day, he is not a conscript, but just a child who has his own interests and needs.
- The child should not be given either tasks that are too complicated or too easy, all within the framework of his age and capabilities.
- Do not allow familiarity in the family. Everyone should relate to each other not only with affection and love, but also with respect and respect.
- A child needs an adult example. If he sees, for example, dad having cut off 5 times the request of mom to wash the dishes, putting it off for later, or simply “I don’t want another time,” then he will start to do so! Set an example.
How to teach children to obey? Where to start? We figured out at what age you can already demand something from a child, but we did not understand at what age and how you can slowly begin to learn to obey your parents.
How to start teaching a child obedience?
You need to start from a very early age, but everything happens in the form of a game. Here you do not demand, but ask, the child should have fun, interesting. We suggest considering a few examples of obedience games:
- Children love to be praised. Remember that your child evokes positive emotions, what he loves to do, which he certainly will not refuse. For example, a baby likes to hide his face with handles, so ask him to show how he knows how to hide. Complied with - praised. Next, ask to bring you a toy, on completion, praise again. And so on.
- "I do, you do." You can’t tell the child to remove toys (for example), but you yourself were sitting at the TV. Everything needs to be done mutually. For example, say what you need (just need) to wash the dishes or eat to cook (wash, iron, and so on), it is required to clean it in your room.
- Make sure that the baby does not forget what you asked. For example, they asked even the smallest to bring a toy, and he ran to the arena with toys, was distracted, and played. Remind what you need. So with older: remind of your request until it is fulfilled.
- If the task has not been completed, take an interest, maybe the child did not quite understand what they want from him (or for some reason does not want to do this). A conversation solves many problems!
- From a very young age, a child needs to be taught the concepts of "impossible", "can" and "need." The kid should be able to distinguish between these requirements, understand that they must be observed.
- Build a sense of responsibility in your child. For example, say that his room is entirely under his responsibility, and the complete order must be constantly maintained in it. Or washing dishes is his responsibility.
- Form a child's conscience. Show that you are upset because he does not obey. Children are very sensitive to the afflictions of their parents, especially through their fault (if the family has respect for the parents of each other; if not, then it is foolish to expect this from the child).
Setting clear rules
How to teach children to obey if there are no established rules in the house? No way! Each family should have:
- schedule;
- adherence to traditions;
- distributed responsibilities.
It should not be allowed concessions from other family members in relation to the child. For example, you said “you can’t”, and your father or grandmother immediately canceled your order and allowed everything.
For violation of the rules, you need to ask any member of the family, otherwise the baby will not understand why they are demanding from him, but not from others, or he will realize that for an incomplete task or violation of the penalties he will not follow.
How to teach a child to obey without screaming?
For some reason, many parents are sure that the louder they yell at a child, the more clear it will be to him. Remember, your child is not deaf or stupid! If he didn’t do something from the first and fifth times, then there are reasons for this, and they need to be eliminated. With your cries, you only complicate the situation, and because of this, the following problems are possible:
- The child will simply begin to fear their parents, rather than obey them. This is really very bad when children start to be afraid of their own moms and dads, the most valuable people who must protect against all misfortunes. Your screams will be remembered for a lifetime, and then you can only be surprised: "And why does not my son go to visit the elderly, and granddaughters are not lucky?".
- There may be another outcome: the child gets used to your stable screams, “turns on the nonsense,” and generally stops paying attention to all the requirements: they say, he’ll stop and stop!
So, how to teach a child to obey his parents without resorting to screaming and physical punishment? Learn from the first disobedience to apply simple punishments, tightening them every time. For example, did not collect toys, did not make the bed. What are we doing? We do not watch cartoons, we do not go to the promised park. All this, of course, until the baby fulfilled the request!
Ignore the inappropriate baby "want, don't want, need"
You have no time to play with the child, since you are busy with things, but does he require? Explain that later, as soon as you finish with the chores. Does not understand? Just ignore the vagaries.
They said something to do, but in response they heard "I do not want and I will not"? Well, do it yourself, but answer the child’s requests the same. For example, if he did not want to put away the toys, put them in a box and put them away and higher, saying that now it is your responsibility, since he does not want to, and you do whatever you want with all this good.
Do not exceed parent authority
Simply put, take off your crown! If you overload the child with your requirements, instructions, set too many rules, nothing good will come of it.
For example, they are often interested in how to teach a hyperactive child to obey. Many parents do not understand how to get along with such children, begin to crush with prohibitions, screaming because of any pranks and disobedience. Everything is simpler than it seems:
- The child should play enough, run up.
- Only when the baby is in a calm state, you can demand something from him, ask for something.
Not only hyperactive babies can not be burdened by their requirements and rules, but also calm children. Everything should be in moderation, the child is not a slave, not a toy that should "work" just like that! This is just a child who is sometimes naughty.
How to teach children to obey? Mistakes should not be made here, and we suggest considering the most common ones.
Error No. 1
Many mothers and fathers are interested in how to teach a 5-year-old child to obey, if before that he did not know the prohibitions and rules, he was given, as some put it, “normal childhood”! Children are more susceptible to education at the age of 2 to 3 years. The older, the more difficult, because they understand that they can do anything. Here, repression will not help, you have to quietly, carefully introduce the rules. You can’t sharply forbid, for example, even touching a vase with sweets, when yesterday you could still eat sweets as much as you like. Parenting must begin on time!
Error No. 2
Manifestation of weakness. Children are cunning and pity anyone, do not give in!
For example, it is said to do something, the child immediately begins to roar like a steam locomotive, complain of fatigue, that something sharply fell ill, and so on. Do not cancel your instructions if they may well be followed.
Too many no and no
As you know, everything forbidden only fuels interest and excitement! If prohibited is within reason, then the child will abide by the rules. If it’s “impossible” to put pressure, the child will seek to break out of the prohibition networks, thereby violating your rules.