Children are welcome family members, and in most cases they bring their parents only joy. But sometimes there are situations in which adults need to explain to the child that he is wrong. On the other hand, children can commit an act that parents will be proud of. How should children be punished and encouraged in the family so that it looks as logical and correct as possible, without inconvenience and without adding sad moments to either the younger or the older? Let's try to figure it out.
About ways of education
Promotion and punishment of children are two sides of the coin, which is called parenting. And in order for this medal to become gold after all, one should understand what exactly are the basic rules of encouragement and punishment.
There are several differences in the methods of raising a child in a family from pedagogical measures. It is necessary to take into account how great is the individual influence of mothers and fathers on children. Parents should be imbued with the goal of upbringing, correctly representing it in order to form a fully developed personality.
The most important thing for any baby will always be a kind family atmosphere. Whatever happens, adults should splash out their negative emotions as little as possible with the kids. If the baby does not immediately do what the elders tell him, you do not need to immediately start screaming and use force.
Priorities of encouragement and punishment in raising children will play a rather important role in choosing a method. Parents who are eager to instill independence in their children, use only the methods of education. Those who want to develop obedience in a child use others.
General methods
These methods of raising a child in the family include encouragement, persuasion and punishment.
Encouragement implies the following: give a gift, praise for a good deed or correctly performed action, and the like.
Persuasion will be built on sound advice, a personal example of elders, interpretation of what is good and what is bad, suggestion.
Punishment as the third method speaks of deprivation of pleasures, the use of force and similar actions.
Even if parents are convinced that they have chosen the right method, difficulties cannot be avoided. Spiritual parents cannot show their children the right example. Parents who use the authoritarian method of upbringing, or those who never punish the child, are unable to educate the right person. The use of physical strength and pressure on the psyche of the child do not lead to a positive result. Choosing what methods of encouragement and punishment in raising children should be considered very seriously, because after many years it will certainly affect the personality of the grown child.
We educate, convincing: we use dialogue
With the help of persuasion, a powerful effect on the consciousness of the child can be realized. Thanks to this method, through the knowledge of life facts, the younger generation will form the correct views. Similar ideas will be fixed in the mind of the child. When he begins to learn something new, he will expand his worldview.
Mom can form certain views by using a dialogue. This form of persuasion is filled with useful information transmitted from an adult to a child. Through dialogue it is possible not only to communicate, but also to educate children in the right context.
Dispute as persuasion
Disputation is one of the options for persuasion. The child and parents will always be able to enter into a debate on a topic that excites them. When there is a clash of different opinions, new knowledge is acquired and the vision of the world is updated. Thanks to the dispute, even educational tasks are solved. Such a conviction must be carried out in a playful way. This in no way should be like an ordinary household quarrel. Raising a child, it is unacceptable to be guided only by the method of persuasion. It is best used in tandem with training. Persuasion will be most effective when the child is confident in the erudition of mom and dad.
Interconnected methods
The methods of encouraging and punishing children are interrelated. If they are encouraged, good qualities and a positive assessment of the behavior of the children are recognized. If punished, bad deeds are condemned and a negative assessment is expressed. These two methods of education need to exist together. Pedagogy has long proved their necessity, because they can not only temper character, but also bring up responsibility and dignity.
But at the same time, punishment and encouragement of children in the family should not be abused. It is necessary to praise the child, since every good word will give him faith in himself and his strength. But do not praise for what has already been achieved more than once or given by nature. Punishment as a method of education is also very important. But it is unacceptable to use physical force or to put pressure on a child morally. Even if the baby has committed several unseemly misconduct, it will be correct to punish him only once.
In the upbringing of the child, the leading educational measure should be precisely approval, and condemnation - only auxiliary. Thanks to this, you can focus on its best qualities, and eventually try to improve them. It is necessary that the child himself can assess his behavior.
If, nevertheless, parents experience some difficulties in raising a child, do not know what to do in this or that situation, they can turn to a psychologist for help. Their consultation will help. Encouraging and punishing a child in the family are two pillars on which the upbringing of a new personality is based.
When not to be punished
In the case when:
- children are tired or sick,
- their temperament annoys their parents (choleric can cause dissatisfaction with persistence, harshness, stubbornness, but punishing him for this is equivalent to the fact that the red-haired woman is for the color of her hair); a phlegmatic child should not be punished for being slow, and a sanguine person for being restless;
- the baby is nervous, he should not be punished for excitability or tearfulness, and if throaty, then for his loud voice; and indeed - it is unacceptable to punish children for noise;
- do not use punishments that cause damage to health, for example, depriving a walk or visiting a sports section;
- you can’t reprimand when the child is eating, because the reprimand at the table is perceived by him as a reproach with a plate of porridge or a piece of bread;
- it is forbidden to apply punishment by mental work or labor.
In any situation, even if it seems very difficult and incorrect to the parent, you must respect the personality in your child. Even when adults are punished for some kind of perfect misconduct, restraint and tact should be shown. The child, without even realizing it, with perfect actions, his own attitude to punishments and rewards paves the way for character formation.
Encourage dosage
The system of encouragement and punishment of children in the family should always work. It is desirable that there are no exceptions in either the first or second case. And in order to do everything as correctly as possible, parents must understand what are the rules for punishing and encouraging children. It is thanks to their rational use and timely dosed effects on the child that his life will be built in the future.
In its effect, praise is like a drug - a child, accustomed to praise, will need it all the time. There should be no "overdose".
When a child does not need to be praised:
- out of pity;
- for what the child did not achieve with his labor (mind, health, beauty, strength ...);
- wanting to like;
- two or more times in a short period of time.
How to promote?
Incentives and punishments in parenting should be strictly regulated. You can’t go too far, for the result may be completely different from what the parents expect.
Incentive actions can be called a great art of education. Moreover, it can become not only “useful”, but also “harmful” for a child and adults. There are simple rules for teaching this art, thanks to which many mistakes will not be made.
It is imperative to direct praise not to the personality of the child, but to the act committed by him. For example, if you constantly tell your daughter: “You are so wonderful!”, The child will begin to feel anxiety over time that he is not as perfect as they say about him. The situation in the future may develop in two directions:
- without waiting for the so-called exposure, the child will consciously try to prove by bad behavior that he (or she) is not ideal;
- the child ceases to be sincere, begins to adapt to praise, will try to get into only those situations in which he can show off as his most advantageous side.
Promotion cannot be promised in advance by mom or dad. It should logically follow a good deed by the child. The kid must be taught to enjoy his work and enjoy it, and not expect a reward.
Finances, sweets, undeserved praise ...
Parental approval cannot be expressed only in finance equivalent. It is not necessary to encourage the child with money if he helped with the housework or completed his homework correctly. Children are successfully engaged in what they sincerely choose, but if they understand that payment will await them after the action, creativity will end and ordinary money making will begin.
Encourage chocolate, cake, sweets and other sweets is unacceptable! You cannot create a cult from food. It’s easier for parents to buy cookies than to deal with a child, but it will not be better for him.
No need to praise a child for ordinary, natural things. If he dressed himself, washed the dishes, or fed a pet, there is no need to express delight. The child must understand that by its nature it is capable of many actions, and it is not worth it to make special efforts for this. Therefore, praise in this case will simply be inappropriate.
If there are several children in the family, mom and dad must make sure that other children do not feel envy or resentment when one of them is praised and encouraged.
It is not worth undeservedly praising a child in order to win him over, because the result may be his absolutely unbearable behavior. And all because the children, feeling insincerity, are eager to show their true nature, refuting praise with their behavior.
The child will certainly appreciate the praise if it is sincere. Next time he will be happy to do good to his parents.
It is necessary to teach the child to be grateful even for the minimum sign of attention that has been shown to him, not paying attention to the amount of money that was spent on him. It is impossible to analyze the value of gifts with him, because this will lead to serious problems that concern moral issues.
Punishment is rare, but for the cause
Speaking about how the punishment and encouragement of children in the family should be carried out correctly, one should pay attention to this. Many parents are convinced: to stop the child’s inappropriate behavior, immediate punishment rather than preventive measures will be the best impact. It should be understood that the less often any of the methods of punishment will be applied, the better it will act. Otherwise, the children will learn to lie, dodge, and will feel aggression and fear. Punishment will have an effect if it is used rarely enough and corresponds to a perfect misconduct.
About the rules of punishment
The rules of punishment include the following:
- it should never be harmful to health;
- it doesn’t happen that the child does not upset his parents, then he and the child; no need to redo it and allow it to be in constant fear;
- before punishing, parents should think about why and why they do it;
- reprimand after a long time is unacceptable;
- if the parents have at least the slightest doubt about whether to punish or not, you should not do this;
- no punishment should be paired with humiliation and resemble the triumph of the strength of adults over children's weakness;
- at one time it is permissible to reprimand only for one misconduct; to mix everything together - not for children's understanding;
- if the child has already been punished, and then was forgiven, subsequently there should not be any reminders of this.
And most importantly, all parents should remember: you can not punish a child with a deprivation of love!
These should be the measures to encourage and punish the child in each family. And subject to all the rules, he will also become a friend to his parents.
Finally
Punishing and promoting preschool children is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. For their beloved child, parents choose a certain method. Nevertheless, it is very important to remember that the most correct upbringing of each child is carried out only with the use of the whole complex of influences on him.
You can’t always just punish or just encourage, convince of something or act on the basis of a personal example. Parenting, which incorporates both punishment and encouraging children in the family, should use all methods, but they should be applied based on the current situation.