Unfortunately, many parents are faced with a situation where, at one point, they notice that their child has become uncontrollable. This can happen at any age: a year, three or five years. It is sometimes difficult for parents to withstand the constant whims of the child. How to behave with children in such cases and how to influence them? Let's talk about this in more detail.
External manifestations of disobedience
What do uncontrollable children look like? External manifestations can be very different. Children are very inventive in this regard, and each kid consciously or unconsciously chooses his own line of behavior. Surely each of you has seen a child screaming for no apparent reason and requires something from his parents, while he does not listen to the arguments of his elders and is not going to calm down. Parents are far from always able to calm their child in such cases, especially if such incidents occur in crowded places. And, as a rule, it is in public places that the child does not obey. He tries to grab things that you can’t take, he actively runs, and reacts to the comments of strangers in the worst possible way.
Such situations can develop in different ways. The child may calm down, but after a while again repeat the tantrum. And it also happens that the kids behave in the kindergarten and on the playgrounds, but at the same time all the relatives plague their homes with their behavior. Why does the child not obey and demonstrate to others his disobedience? Where do the uncontrollable children come from?
To answer all these questions, you need to understand the reasons.
Reasons for uncontrollability of children
The reasons for uncontrollability can be very different:
- Psychophysiological (congenital features in development). In such cases, specialists indicate the presence of a child's hyperkinetic syndrome, which manifests itself in excessive chaotic and involuntary movements. A similar pathology is characterized by behavioral disorders. In such situations, parents are in no hurry to consult doctors, because they do not know that this condition is not the norm and the child needs to be treated.
- Age crisis in a child. If you began to notice that the baby regularly scatters its toys, does not obey you, and answers all comments hysterically, then most likely the reason for such uncontrollability lies in the age crisis (crisis of one year, three years, six to seven, the teenage period ) An age crisis in a child is a completely normal phenomenon. This stage goes through all the normal kids. Kids react to all the events in their lives with whims and tantrums, and at an older age, laziness and stubbornness are a characteristic manifestation. Children grow and develop, they learn the world, discovering for themselves a lot of everything new and unknown. At such moments, parents should pay more attention to their children.
- Unhappy child. Uncontrolled children sometimes demonstrate internal dysfunction with their behavior. Their screams are signals of help. In this way they try to show that they have problems.
- Parent misconduct. Adults who do not have sufficient pedagogical experience create the wrong conditions for raising children. Sometimes parents themselves provoke rebellion in the baby or, conversely, encourage his whims. Children, as you know, are not born bad. They behave as their parents allow them to do. Everything affects the behavior of our children: whether we allow them or forbid them, whether we are indifferent to them or are attentive. Uncontrolled children, as a rule, are the result of illiterate education of adults who do not have minimal pedagogical skills. Such parents do not want to engage in babies and delve into their children's problems.
Hyperactive children
If a child is having tantrums, what should I do? As we already mentioned, one of the possible reasons may be the hyperactivity of the baby. For children with increased excitability, uncontrollability is a common thing. Such babies, even with great desire, cannot control their behavior. What to do to parents who are faced with such a problem?
First, they need to study the behavior of a child with increased excitability. You need to understand how such babies differ from others. But this does not mean that your son or daughter should be temper tantrums. Disobedience can be manifested in the active expression of emotions, desires, rapid movement, a sharp change in activity. The child may not respond to comments or calm down at your request, but not for long. Manifestations can be very different. The main feature of hyperactive children is restlessness, which brings unnecessary trouble to parents, and at the same time keeps the baby in constant emotional stress.
Hyperactivity Management Methods
If your child is yelling, you should be as calm and understanding as possible. Always remember that your aggression will give rise to retaliatory aggression on the part of the baby. You need to learn to be tactful and try to negotiate with the child, and no matter how old he is: one year or ten years. We, as adults, must be able to restrain our emotions, we can do it. But the children still do not know how to do this. Remember, if your son sees that you are absolutely calm, then after a while he will also calm down.
Experts recommend introducing a strict daily regimen for hyperactive children. The fact is that such kids need to constantly do something. Compliance with the regime, a long night's sleep and afternoon rest will significantly reduce nervous tension. The child must clearly understand what he will do in each period of time. Such congestion will help reduce the manifestations of uncontrolled behavior, when whims and leprosy begin from idleness. Even the smallest child can be charged with any duties that he must independently carry out.
Neurologists strongly recommend giving hyperactive children to sports. This method of dealing with the “problem” will help to find useful applications for the baby’s excess energy. A child must love sports. If he does not like one view, you can switch to another, and so on until the baby finds what he likes. Classes in the section will help not only to throw out excess energy, but also to relieve aggression, as well as learn discipline.
In addition, adults should understand that if your son or daughter has signs of hyperactivity, you need to contact specialists such as a pediatric neurologist and psychologist. Neurologists will help to determine whether there are congenital pathologies from the nervous system and the brain, and the psychologist can find the causes of uncontrolled behavior.
Parent Behavior
Some experts argue that there are no uncontrollable children, just parents who do not know how to cope with their children. Even 1 child in a family with bad behavior can create big problems for adults.
We sometimes do not notice how the kids grow up quickly and begin to gradually fight for attention to themselves. They want to assert themselves. As a rule, this can manifest itself in the form of various protests against excessive guardianship, strict rules of conduct, or, conversely, adult indifference. Sometimes parents behave in such a way that their behavior only stimulates the moodiness and disobedience of children.
The most common cause of demonstrative and uncontrolled behavior of children is a lack of attention from parents. Adults may not be interested in the affairs of their offspring or spend very little time with them, which prompts children to inappropriate acts. After all, for a person there is nothing worse than indifference, especially when it comes to children. They try to attract the attention of adults in any way.
Similar problems arise in those families in which parents are inconsistent in their demands: mom and dad say opposite things, do not keep their promises, etc. In such families, even 1 child quickly begins to manipulate adults, and two children in general are able to turn life into a nightmare. And the parents themselves are to blame for this situation. All adult family members must agree on a common tactic for raising children.
What does mom feel?
Sometimes it’s very unfortunate that the parents of uncontrollable kids. Often outsiders unjustifiably allow themselves to express their dissatisfaction with the mother of a young fidget, who can not cope with the child. Of course, it’s very simple to blame someone when you have no reason for it.
A woman who encounters the complex behavior of her child may react differently. Her reaction depends primarily on her psychological characteristics. Some mothers react to stress with completely logical inhibition, and outwardly it may seem to people too calm and even indifference. Other women, on the contrary, begin to carefully monitor their child. Both options are not very successful.
If the mother is ashamed of the child’s behavior, this is wrong. Of course, she is aware of the problem and is trying to influence the situation, looking for reasons in herself. But the child must be treated with love and understanding. Also erroneous is the behavior of those mothers who fully justify the actions of their children, blaming all the blame on the teachers, educators and others. Such a woman can form a very distorted idea of reality in a child.
In any case, the people around should be sympathetic to the mothers of children with problematic behavior.
Crisis 1-2 years
At almost any age, uncontrolled behavior can be dealt with with the right approach. An uncontrollable child in a year or two is not a cause for great concern. At such a tender age, babies can be influenced by any means: to distract with their favorite toys, sweets, interesting games. A child needs to make a number of requirements that he must fulfill: collect toys to the best of his ability, eat, sleep, the Kid should clearly understand the word "no" and be aware of the ban.
Crisis 3-4 years
At 3-4 years old, children make their first attempts to learn independence, they all try to do it themselves. Little researchers climb everywhere in search of something unknown and new. If the child is behaving well, he must certainly be praised and encouraged by a smile. But scolding kids is not worth it, you need to gently direct them in the right direction.
The crisis is 6-7 years old
At 6-7 years, an intensive development of cognitive activity of the child occurs. Children begin to learn, enter a new regime and a huge society. The task of parents is to help the child join the new team and learn how to live in it. At this age, children receive the first serious communication lessons.
Teenage crisis
At nine years of age and older, hormonal changes begin, which in turn affect the behavior of the child. Pupils are growing rapidly, developing, changing their interests. Teenagers need to be paid much more attention, it is very important for them to have the support of their parents and to feel their understanding. Children need to be raised by optimists. It is worth finding common hobbies and spending time together. And do not forget that you must be an authority for your son or daughter.
Fundamental rules
If you encounter childishly uncontrollable behavior, then you should adhere to the following rules:
- It is necessary to be consistent in their deeds, actions and promises.
- The child must clearly master the prohibitions.
- It is necessary to communicate with children on equal terms, respecting them and reckoning with opinions.
- At any age, the child must observe the daily regimen, this will help to cultivate discipline in him.
- You can not shout at children and read them notations.
- An important point is communication. As much time as possible, you need to spend with children, interested in their affairs and problems.
Instead of an afterword
If you are faced with uncontrollable behavior in your child, then you should think about the causes of the situation. Attentive parents who devote a lot of time to their baby will be able to normalize their behavior. But at the same time, do not forget that you are an example for your child, so try to be a worthy person to follow.