Situations in life are different, and it is not always necessary to educate only your children. If your future spouse or spouse already has a child, then the stepson should be treated no worse than his own children. This little man deserves you to make efforts to make friends with him, to become part of his family.
Stepson - who is it, if you look at the meaning of a word in dictionaries?
This word has several meanings. Firstly, this is the step-son of one of the spouses and the son of another. That is, he may be the son of, for example, a wife, but to be a step-mother to her husband, or vice versa. Often step-son not getting the right amount of attention, experiencing adversity of a different nature. In literature, the stepson is often chased by his stepmother, performs all the dirty work in the house. There is another option - it can be so beautiful that the stepmother falls in love with him.
Setting out to understand, stepson - who it is, can be found in dictionaries and another meaning of the word, but we will not consider it. This is the name of the lateral shoot of a plant growing from sinuses of leaves. But this is the topic of another article.
Stepson and stepfather. Very delicate situation
Most often, the child is opposed to his stepfather, the "new dad." This occurs in 90% of cases. Such a child’s reaction is more than understandable and absolutely normal - he always had a mother, and a new man is trying to wedge between him and his mother, to take her love, attention and free time ... Of course, the child will be unhappy.
How to behave properly for adults, so that the baby can accept a new person in the family?
Too emotional reaction is normal
Too violent and emotional reaction of the child is completely normal, and you should not be afraid of it. Over time, with the right strategy for the behavior of the mother and her beloved man, you can establish good relations with the child. Worry follows the quiet. It often happens that a child does not make a tragedy out of the fact that he is now a stepson, no matter who it is. He calmly reacts to the appearance of a new person, does not show signs of discontent, but ... can begin to see nightmares, scream and cry in a dream. It is better to talk with such children in advance, not to put them before the fact. It should be explained that Mom still loves him, does not look for a replacement, will not give offense if something bad happens. If you can’t calm the child down on your own, an appeal to a child psychologist will be a good way out.
Perfect option
Sometimes it happens that children, on the contrary, react extremely positively to the appearance of a stepfather. They sincerely wish their mother happiness, behave like adults and meticulously evaluate the candidate for her new husbands. They themselves take the first step towards friendship with their stepfather. In order for events to develop according to such an ideal scenario, a few simple rules should be noted. They will be discussed below.
How should mom and stepfather behave?
- With her help, mom’s beloved man should become a friend for her child. A good way out is to study the range of interests of the baby, to understand what worries him, what he dreams about, what he is afraid of. So it will be easier for him to touch in topics of interest to the child, to establish contact with him.
- You should never immediately tell the little man about your intentions (for example, “My name is Uncle Kolya, I’m your stepfather, you are my stepson, whoever takes this negatively is wrong”). You should start with the desires and problems of the baby. If then, when the contact is established, the man who claims to be the stepfather wants to inform the child about his plans, then you can try to do this, but you need to be careful and carefully select the words. It should be emphasized that the stepfather is not going to claim the place of the father of the child and is well aware that he can have only one father.
- It will be great to introduce the child to the hobby of her new husband. It often happens that stepsons with time with the most joyful emotions recall their stepfathers, with whom they went fishing as a child, repaired a car in the garage. Mom, no matter how perfect and loving she may not be able to reveal to her son all the secrets of the male world.
- Do not cajole the boy, giving him toys. And it’s completely impossible to constantly remind him how many cool cars his friend’s friend gives him, despite the fact that he is his stepson. Who asked to do this? Did the child ask for these toys?
- An excellent option for establishing a relationship is when mother, stepfather and child go somewhere together - to the circus, cinema, children's park. It is very important that the child associates the appearance of the stepfather and stay with him with positive emotions.
- Meetings of the stepfather and the child should be held at a clearly defined time. This will bring two positive results at once. Firstly, that which takes place at a well-established time quickly passes into the category of rituals and becomes the norm. Secondly, it immediately becomes clear how the child perceives these contacts - whether he is inspired before meeting with his stepfather or, conversely, becomes dull and sad.
How should mom act?
- You can’t force a child to call his mother’s chosen one a dad. This is for his mother a beloved man, for a child he is an outsider and a stranger uncle.
- A new partner should not become the main one in matters of raising a stepson. Otherwise, it will seem to the child that the mother has switched to the side of the “stranger,” and this can not cause any reaction other than negative.
- You can not speak badly about the boy’s biological father . You should not compare his "real" and "new" dads. Any negative remark addressed to the biological father can cause negativity on the part of the child. Over time, he will understand that dad is not always the man who gave life. This is the person who is always there - helps, protects, whom you can ask for advice.
In the relationship "stepson and stepmother" the same rules should be applied, only the stepmother takes the place of the stepfather, and the father of the child - the place of the mother. If you follow these simple rules, maintain the most tactful, good relations in the family, there will be happiness.