Is it possible to punish your child? Most often this question is asked by young parents. The subject of corporal punishment is very controversial. There are 2 categories of parents: the former apply physical punishment, while the latter do not. To beat on the pope or not to beat? How to punish a child if he does not obey? What could be the consequences?
Key parenting styles
The history of the development of mankind identifies three main styles of education that parents use:
- Authoritarian . The baby in this case is subjected to total control and obedience. He must comply with all the requirements of the parent, otherwise he will be punished. There is a quick getting used to this style.
- The democratic style is characterized by the fact that the baby in such a family is given the right to his position. The purpose of this style is the formation of a harmoniously developed personality, parents use a lot of time and effort to do this.
- The mixed method includes both encouragement and punishment. It combines several educational styles, which does not always lead to a positive result.
What is physical punishment?
The type of punishment, the purpose of which is to cause bodily pain to the offender, is considered to be physical. In addition to the well-known methods (slap, belt on the pope), there are punishments with a towel, slippers, a click on the forehead, etc. All these methods have one goal: to show their superiority over the child, to create a pain effect, to prove their case.
The main reasons for the physical punishment of children
Most modern mothers and fathers, punishing their children, consider that it is their parental duty. But this is facilitated by several key reasons:
- Heredity . In most cases, parents express their anger on the child based on their childhood and past. They no longer imagine that they can be brought up differently.
- Awareness of parents in educational processes. This means that the punishment is carried out because the parents do not know other methods.
- A quick way to solve the problem. No need to spend a lot of time explaining and teaching, it is easier to hit, and not to solve the issue verbally.
- Disruptions on the background of their own failures. Very often, children are held hostage to parental failure. Uncertainty about tomorrow, interpersonal conflicts, internal feelings - all this can affect the child.
Why are children not obeying?
We all know that there are no ideal and obedient children. In psychology, there are several reasons for children's disobedience:
- lack of self-esteem;
- gaps in education;
- a way to attract attention;
- desire for contradictions;
- a way to assert itself;
- a lot of requirements for a child.
Most childhood vagaries and cases of disobedience are associated with the fact that the child is growing up, feels himself a unit, and parents still think that he is still a baby. The kid does not obey if mom and dad do not pay attention to him. This is a very effective method. If you don’t pay enough time to your child, then he may have an offense, and then he can do everything not as you want, but as he sees fit.
Your heir may feel
insecure in case of increased irritability of parents and frequent pulling on clothes. The lack of a system in raising children is observed when a large number of people take part in this process - father and mother, grandmother and grandfather, uncles and aunts. Each teacher has his own method, it may differ from the methods of the rest of the family. For some, the behavior of the crumbs is the norm, for others it is unacceptable, and then the baby does not know how to behave correctly.
Parents who use an authoritarian style of upbringing have many requirements for the child, sometimes not corresponding to his development and age. They put their opinion above all else, the opinion of the child is not taken into account, they only demand from him. If he does not follow the instructions, then he is punished. It is very difficult for a child to develop in such an environment.
The effect of corporal punishment on a child
Physical and psychological punishment of children is prohibited by law, but many parents practice this method, considering it the most effective. Adults often can not restrain their anger, it is easier for them to give a belt on the priest, than to explain to the child in plain language his wrongness. If you use a method of education such as corporal punishment, then wait for the consequences. Often a little man has a fear that can subsequently greatly affect his future life.
If a child is afraid of a loved one, then this in the future may affect his interpersonal relationships, adaptation in society, at work. Parents should know that it is impossible to beat the priest, humiliate, shout at his heir, because he can grow up insecure, without aspirations in life. He will think that whoever has power is right.
Physical consequences of corporal punishment
Very often corporal punishment leads to physical injuries in your child. This is due to the fact that many parents do not calculate their strength in punishing children. There is an addiction to slap on the priest, especially if they are used every day. This leads to the fact that the behavior of the child does not change, and the strength of bodily influences increases. As a result, severe bodily injuries are formed.
Without controlling himself, the parent is able to injure the child, incompatible with his life. And then the punishment of children will lead to disastrous consequences. Tumaki and slaps in the back lead to the fact that the baby can hit an acute angle or other objects in the house.
Physical consequences can occur in the form of enuresis, a variety of tics, encopresis, etc. Do not hit the children, be more reasonable! After all, a child is several times smaller than you.
The psychological consequences of corporal punishment
- Low self-esteem. The child will be guided through life by the principle: whoever has strength is right.
- Influence on children's psyche, developmental delay is possible.
- Lack of concentration on lessons in games.
- The projection of the same behavior on their own children.
- Most children who have been physically abused become intruders in the future.
- The child ceases to live by reality, not solving the problems that have arisen, without doing school.
- Constantly present feelings of fear and desire to take revenge.
- Punishment and humiliation leads to loneliness, the child feels estranged, useless.
- There is a distance from the parents, the relationship deteriorates. If domestic violence is used, there will be no common ground.
The psychological consequences are also frequent anxiety, a sense of confusion, fear, increased anxiety. Appetite may worsen, the child may sleep poorly, hyperactivity increases.
An alternative to corporal punishment, or how to punish a child
The manifestation of weakness, the lack of certain pedagogical knowledge and skills of parents leads to physical punishment of children. How to punish a child so as not to harm him? You can not beat the priest of children, use the alternative. What you need for this:
- It is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.
- You should carry the peanut into such an occupation so that it ceases to indulge.
- Come up with new activities to encourage the baby, and not vice versa. For example, you can put all scattered toys in a box. Read him his favorite book or bedtime story.
- Kiss and hug your child so that he feels your warmth and love. Spend more free time with him.
- Replace corporal punishment with more loyal methods (do not go for a walk, turn off the TV, pick up the tablet).
Treat your children’s pranks philosophically, projecting a whole range of actions on themselves. Try to communicate more with your children, create trusting relationships with each other, and then there will be much less problems. Learn to cope with problems without punishment. It is important for parents to understand that children should not be beaten in the priest under any circumstances!