A loving parent will inadvertently spoil a child is not difficult. You can approach pregnancy with all responsibility, thoroughly prepare for motherhood and fatherhood, but after the appearance of the long-awaited child, all the tips and rules read in numerous books are somehow forgotten.
Recommendations for parents, various strategies for the proper upbringing and development of children are provided today in any available information sources. But it often happens that parents do not recognize the problem in their family for a long time. When the child’s spoiling becomes already obvious, it can be very problematic to change the situation and apply other features of education.
Common Parenting Mistakes
No adequate parent would like to spoil the future life of the baby with their upbringing. Everyone wants only the best for their child, and this statement is undeniably true. It would seem, how can you harm a little man with your love and care? But it turns out that it is possible.
Most often, the problem of spoiling occurs in a family where one child is brought up. And if he is also welcome and long-awaited, then the whole family retinue in the person of mom, dad, grandmothers, aunts and other relatives wish in any way to show their joy.
Naturally, all attention and care after birth now belongs only to a newly made member of the family. And at first glance this state of affairs is quite normal and logical, because a small child, like no one else, needs care and guardianship. The problem arises when the baby grows up, and the halo of fanatical love and care does not dissipate around him.
Reasons Parents Pamper Their Child
It is unlikely that someone intentionally wants to spoil a child and get a capricious, hysterical and naughty creature instead of an obedient and sweet baby. Naturally, the features of education and their own specifics exist in every family. But at the same time, there are several main reasons why children in families are spoiled by parents:
- It seems to us that with age, the child will still have time to face life problems, difficulties and troubles. Sooner or later, the surrounding world will show the child its cruelty. That is why often I want to delay this moment of growing up and allow the baby to enjoy childhood, joy and carelessness.
- Sometimes there is not enough patience, endurance and time to wait for the child to do something himself: take away his toys, get dressed, pack or eat. It is easier for parents to do this for him, while saving their nerves and time. But in this way, the little man loses the opportunity to do something on his own and gets used to the fact that others do everything for him.
- Blind love for his offspring dictates the desire to bestow on him all the best. We want the child to have the best things, food and toys in childhood. Such desires are understandable, but adequate care and a desire to please and fanatical worship of your child have very fine lines.
Gift Atonement
Another reason can lead to such troubles with numerous sweets, toys and expensive things. For example, if parents are almost always traveling or simply not at home because of eternal employment at work. Or in the case when the parents separated, and one of them no longer lives with the child. When a frequently absent adult has a feeling of guilt, he tries to make amends for it with a variety of gifts. Compensating in this way for their absence, the parents instill in the child the royal habit of “accepting gifts.”
Another reason that a family can spoil a child is children's insults and parental complexes. If we ourselves in childhood were deprived of attention, care, love and toys, then, of course, we are trying to do everything so that our child does not know these bitter insults.
Spoiling is the problem of personality in the future
The term "spoiled" itself means a person who is used to the fulfillment of all his desires and whims. A child who from childhood was protected from any problems and worries, growing up, begins to face many problems. He is not fit for adult and independent life.
Since a person spoiled from childhood is not used to achieving his goals himself, in adulthood he may not be prepared for the fact that no one decides for him. Having not received what is desired, such a person can fall into a state of frustration and take a passive wait and see attitude, that is, expect that everything will somehow be decided on its own.
Also, such a person will not understand why the people around him in adulthood do not constantly admire him and do not praise him. From the fact that now no one considers him the most intelligent, beautiful and talented, a person may be in a state of constant frustration. Unfortunately, with such a mood and perception, it will be extremely difficult to arrange your life successfully.
The main signs that mistakes were made in the upbringing of the child
What to do if acquaintances, relatives or friends say that you have a very spoiled child, but at the same time you don’t see a global problem in the baby’s behavior? Every mother will always justify her beloved child, believing that at least occasionally, but any child has the right to whims, disobedience and even tantrum.
In order to understand if the problem actually exists, you need to consider several signs confirming that the children are spoiled by their parents:
- In order for the child to do something, he constantly has to be persuaded.
- The little caprice insists on constant submission. This applies to parents, relatives, carers and other children. The kid refuses to listen to anyone and wants to always be as he said.
- A very spoiled child almost always refuses to clean up after himself, including scattered toys. At the same time, the favorite of the family stubbornly and categorically stands his ground. Making him obey without hysteria is almost impossible.
- The child does not understand the meaning of the word “no”, does not perceive refusals and achieves his goal by any means.
- He lacks respect for other people's feelings.
- A child often puts parents in uncomfortable situations, including in public. The presence of strangers in no way confuses and does not bother him.
- A child cannot be alone for even a short time. He requires constant attention to his person and attracts him by any available means.
- The first signs of greed begin to appear. He categorically refuses to share toys, sweets and other things with someone. The child is sure that in this world everything belongs only to him.
- Frequent tantrums, during which such emotions as aggression towards others, including to the most dear people, are manifested.
Hysteria - the main way of childish manipulation
Quite often, the problems of upbringing become apparent when a spoiled child gets used to getting his temper tantrums. This is one of the most common ways to manipulate adults. Sometimes a tantrum can happen unknowingly, because a small child, unlike adults, does not know how to control his emotions. Real tantrum from a simple whim to distinguish quite easily.
With a usual whim, the child may be upset, offended or cry quietly. Hysteria is accompanied by violence, an irrepressible cry, children can fall to the floor, scream, stomp their feet, and sometimes even beat adults.
How to behave
Parenting problems become apparent if your child begins to use such manipulations. Of course, it will be painful for any parent to look at such a state of the baby, and his child will be very sorry. But to give in in such a situation means to make it clear that the tantrum works. If after this behavior the child achieves the desired, consider that now you are doomed to constant tantrums.
How to calm a baby
A child-rearing culture should be present from a very young age. Let your child know that such behavior will not lead to anything. If a hysterical seizure begins at home, just leave the child alone in the room and explain that you will continue to talk with him only after he calms down.
Hysteria outside the house - what to do?
The situation is much more complicated when a tantrum begins in a public place. Many parents are lost and shy of others. At such a moment, they agree to give in to a little tantrum, if only he would calm down as soon as possible. Such behavior is unacceptable and is the most direct way to spoil the child even more.
If such a nuisance happened in a store, cafe or on the street, just move a little away from the child so that he understands that no one is watching his tantrum. Of course, the distance should be such that the parent watched his child, but the child should understand that his concert was left without spectators. You yourself will be surprised how quickly the little tyrant can take it in hand.
Recommendations for parents
Proper early raising of the child will help to avoid numerous problems in the future. To help develop competent tactics, especially if one child grows in a family, you can follow the advice of teachers and psychologists:
- Certain rules must be established in the house, and the child must be aware that their execution is mandatory (for example, cartoons look no more than an hour a day, toys are definitely removed after the game).
- Seniors must be steadfast in their decisions. Categorically it is impossible to forbid something to the child, and then allow it once.
- Do not indulge the whims and desires of children, if they are not really justified. Let them know that everything has a measure. In cases where a child insistently asks for something, ask why he needs it. If the baby manages to prove to you that he needs it, then give or buy. If this is just a whim, explain to the baby that what he wants is not urgently needed.
- The child should have his simplest and most primitive household chores, such as making a bed or wiping the dust in his room. Do not let other adults do this for him.
- Never indulge in childish tantrum.
Unity in the family is the key to proper education
Both parents must adhere to the same principles and tactics of education. If grandparents and other relatives are present, they must fully support their parents. If one member of the family prohibits something, the other should by no means allow it.
All family members must clearly understand that loving and sorry for the baby, of course, is necessary. But if you pamper him in childhood, then such an upbringing will not help him in the future. In adulthood, such a child will have to face many difficulties for which he will not be ready.