Each parent wishes the best to his child, seeks to educate him as a worthy person. But how to do that? Many people ask: "How to raise children happy?" What needs to be given to the child, what needs to be put into him from childhood, so that he grows up and can say to himself: "I am a happy person!"? Let's figure it out together.
Happy baby - what is he like?
To understand how to raise a happy child, you need to determine who such a happy child is:
- he feels that he is always loved, regardless of his actions;
- knows that he will always be protected;
- participates in solving important issues; they are interested in his opinion;
- feels that he is unique and accepted as he is;
- optimistic and joyful;
- knows his place in the peer team, respects himself;
- knows that his parents are happy too.
We bring happiness: where to start?
Raising a child begins with the family, or rather with the parents themselves. It depends on them what their child will become in adulthood, and even what he will bring to the upbringing of his children.
To know for sure how to raise a successful and happy child. Our advice will help you in this matter:
- Start with yourself. No wonder the phrase "If you want to make the world a better place, start with yourself!" still very popular. Our children are a direct reflection of ourselves. You can often notice that, as they grow up, children bring behaviors of their parents into their daily lives. Therefore, if you want to see your children happy, become yourself like that. Rejoice at the new day, look for beauty in everything, watch over your health and mood, show your child that this life is beautiful in all its manifestations.
- Stable emotional state. It is very important not to break down on any occasion on family members. You as a mother should keep the emotional bar of the whole family. Your child takes an example from you, you should never forget about it. Therefore, if you are overtaken by any problems, worries or a bad mood, try not to splash them on others, but to level out the negative manifestations.
- Child behavior. Always watch for changes in the behavior of the child. Children should be like an open book for us. And if a child began to behave badly, then this is no accident. All processes in life are determined. And this means that the child wants to show you something. It is worthwhile to understand in detail the reasons for this behavior before taking action.
Opinion of the author: Jean Ledloff
People often turn to books for answers. Many works provide countless parenting tips. However, are they all so valuable and is it worth listening to them? Let's analyze the book by Jean Ledloff "How to raise a child happy."
This book not only teaches parents to properly raise their children, but also reveals the common causes of the ill-being of modern society. The author of the book has seen the root of the problems in our world. If you think about it, then the causes of all the troubles and misfortunes that haunt modern man lie in the wrong education. We seem to strive to give the child everything that he needs, but very often forget about the most important thing. Do we give the child happiness? Are we able to bring happiness to our children? It is inherent in each of us, you just need to listen - says Jean Ledloff.
“How to Raise a Child Happy” is a book based on real experience. The author was lucky to meet those people who were able to raise their children happy, and this served as an impetus for the birth of this work. The book shows that happiness or unhappiness originates in the same place as a new life - from the birth and upbringing of children. If we relate to the education of our children, we will give them not only psychological well-being in the future, but we will also be able to make a great contribution to the development of the world without violence and suffering.
The child is a person
One of the main components of education is the adoption of the child as a person. That is, it is not just the one you gave birth to, but also the person - the same as you.
It is very important that the child feels that he is loved and accepted as he is. This will give him strength and self-confidence. After all, you are not trying to change it, make it what you want, but work on the development of its original qualities.
In this regard, in no case should you hang "tags" on the child. Even for an adult, this is a traumatic situation, and what can we say about the precarious psyche of a child. Constantly telling the children that they are dirty, fat people, fools and so on, you pre-program them to match these words. After all, the parent for the child is the first authority, and he subconsciously listens to you.
If you want to bring up happy children in a family, then respect everything that they say and do. All their desires and actions must be taken into account. Therefore, it will be correct to listen to the opinion of the child, especially in resolving family issues.
It also follows from this that communication with the child should not be built in the "commander - ward" system. It is important to speak with him calmly and peacefully, without quarrels, screams and claims. Believe me, this is how children understand better.
Mikhail Labkovsky: the secrets of education
Labkovsky talks about how to raise a happy child at his lectures and seminars. This family psychologist reveals the essence of proper parenting.
First of all, the author draws attention to the fact that the use of the information received at lectures and trainings will only be fruitful if the parents themselves are “psychologically safe or at least stable”.
Everyone knows that all psychological problems of a personality stretch from childhood. Therefore, the psychologist recommends accepting your upbringing as it is. Your parents raised you as they could and considered necessary at that time. You can’t fix it anymore. But to prevent the same mistakes in raising their children is quite real.
Mikhail Labkovsky also emphasizes the predominance of concepts such as stability, comfort, trust. He believes that in the first place this should be felt by the child in the family. Make sure that the baby is not afraid of you, show him that his problems are significant for you, and you will help him solve them.
Another important aspect that the psychologist touches on is the presence of several children in the family. It is strictly forbidden to tell older children that they are already adults. This is regarded by children as the promise that they are no longer loved. A child always remains a child for his parents, let him feel it.
Recommendations for parents
Here are a few more recommendations for those who want to know how to raise their children happy.
- Act and child. It is always necessary to evaluate or criticize a particular child’s deed. You can not transfer the assessment of actions to the whole personality of the child. Instead of "You are bad," you must say, "You did bad."
- Eye contact. You need to communicate with the child at his level so that he sees your eyes. In no case do not apply "from the height of their growth."
- The reaction of the parents. The child always watches your reaction. Based on this, he builds his behavior. Show your child how to react to a particular situation, and this will greatly facilitate his life in the future.
- Help children. Always accept the help provided by children. Suppose that in the end it does not work out exactly as you wanted, but the child will feel significant in your life.
- Self-esteem. To form a correct self-esteem in a child, always show that he will succeed, he will cope with everything. Create success situations for him to instill self-confidence.
- A responsibility. As you grow older, you need to shift the responsibility to the child. For example, if a student does not do homework, there is no need to do it for him. Make it clear that any act has a result, although not always pleasant.
- Behavior model. Be a model for your child. Show him how to build relationships with others. In addition, children very often adopt the model of building a family and parenting from their parents.
Wealth, happiness and success.
In addition to psychological well-being, many parents want material security for their children. However, the child, in their opinion, should achieve everything himself and not sit on his neck in adults. Part of the logic is there. Of course, parents will always help their children, but they themselves must learn to provide for themselves. So, how to raise a child rich, happy and successful?
First, the child needs to be introduced to the financial side of life. Thus, he will understand what money is, how it is earned, and how to dispose of it.
To do this, you need to talk with the child about the money, why they are needed, where they come from and how best to spend them. Do not think that your child will only think about material values. Education should be comprehensive.
After meeting with money, it is advisable to play games related to this side of life. For example, to come up with ways to earn money, while adjusting the aspirations of the child. Or you can play board games related to business.
Do not limit your child's dreams, whatever they may be. Over time, the child himself will set the necessary priorities, but for now, the main thing is not to discourage his desire to achieve his goals.
Expert opinion: Ekaterina Buslova
Another author who writes about how to raise a happy child is Ekaterina Buslova. This is a well-known child and family psychologist who is engaged in the study of parent-child relationships.
The book is written as if on behalf of a child who addresses his parents. With this technique, the author shows that after reading the book you can better understand your baby.
All information is presented in the form of prompts for parents.
Hints
Ekaterina Buslova gives 9 tips to parents in her book “How to Raise a Happy Child”:
- Key 1: "Explain to me different things."
- Key 2: “Be able to tell me no.”
- Key 3: "Talk to me."
- Key 4: "Let me make mistakes."
- Key 5th: "Praise me for the good."
- Key 6th: "Tell me that you love me."
- Key 7th: "Laugh and have fun with me."
- Key 8th: "Tell me about different things."
- Key 9th: "Show respect to me."
Do you pamper children?
Many parents believe that in order to raise a happy child, he needs to be pampered both financially and emotionally. After all, it is not known how many more trials will be on his life path, and in childhood you can indulge. Others, on the contrary, are too strict with their babies, thus preparing them for the harsh reality of life.
But how to raise a happy child? “You can’t control it” - here, each parent puts a comma where he sees fit. However, the golden mean is important in everything. You can’t be too strict about your children, but you don’t need to be spoiled either. It will be much more constructive to explain to the child each decision made about the next desire of your child.
Methods of raising happy children
Psychologists formulated an approximate methodology for how to raise children happy.
The first thing parents need to do is pay attention to the development of their children: read books with them, talk, explain, play developmental games. Up to 5 years, children need to develop attention, memory, thinking, perception and speech. Well-developed mental functions will become the key to success in the future.
Next, we form the child’s motivation to achieve their goals. To begin with, the “carrot and stick” technique is used - first you do your homework, then we go to the park.
Promoting curiosity is also important. If the child wants to try everything at once, let him do it, and then help with the choice of what he still wants to do.
Optimistic child
Optimists are people with a positive attitude to life, they evaluate everything through the prism of good. Such individuals become successful and happy. But how to raise children happy optimists?
- Make time for simple, friendly, warm communication with your child.
- Minimize the number of instructions and requirements.
- Let the child be independent.
- Do not say the word "can not", it expresses only a negative attitude.
- Often look for a reason to praise your child and be happy for him.
- Do not compare your children with others.
- Let the children make mistakes and help correct them.
- Do not deprive your child of childhood in pursuit of standards.
- Collaborate with your child.
Consultation of a child psychologist
If parents themselves can not cope with the upbringing of their children, then it will be advisable to turn to a child psychologist. And do not be shy, this is quite normal! On the contrary, your desire to raise your children correctly is commendable.
At the consultation, the psychologist will help you realize your patterns of behavior, possible problems in the system of parent-child relationships. Also, the specialist will be able to effectively adjust your methods of raising children.