Why are the kids fighting? This often worries parents. It seems that everything in the family is calm, and upbringing is given for granted. In this case, the child periodically crawls into a fight. Where was the mistake made? Why are children fighting? What are the causes of the fight and how to fix the situation?
Main reasons
Before you start raising a child and teaching that fighting is bad, you need to find out why the baby is behaving this way. The main reasons for this behavior may be as follows:
- Lack of attention from parents. A child by all means tries to attract the attention of dad and mom. If the request "Mom, play with me" does not work, then the child begins to behave aggressively. Sometimes a fight is a way to get attention.
- Constant humiliation: both on the part of parents and peers. There are children who can simply become isolated in themselves. And there are kids who release their grudge with their fists.
- Strength is power. Winning a fight, the child tries to prove his strength in front of other guys. And he does it just to look higher in the eyes of others. Sometimes the choice falls specifically on the guys is much weaker to prove their superiority.
- Improper upbringing. Unfortunately, there are families where dad raises his hand to mom (but it happens the other way around), and if the child sees this, then he believes that any issue can be resolved by a fight. Or the kid is capricious (tired or just attracts attention), but instead of caressing from his parents or tokens gets his buttocks (palm, belt). This makes the baby meaner. And it also makes it clear that the use of force is a way out of any situation.
- Aggression in the family. Fights between parents may be completely absent. But constant scandals accumulate malice in the kid, and he splashes it out through a fight.
- Promotion from childhood. This does not mean that mom or dad stroked the child on the head for fighting. But if the kid took the toy from another or in a fit of anger hit the child nearby, then you need to act, and not let it slip. One must ask why the baby did so, and without shouting, calmly explain the incorrectness of his behavior.
Other reasons
The main reasons are described above, but secondary ones are also worth noting. So why are small children fighting?
- Wrong conclusion after a fight. For example, the baby didn’t climb into the fray himself, he was dragged, and he managed to fight back. In response, his parents praise him and say that they are proud of him. Of course, you do not need to scold the child. It is important that the baby can stand up for itself. But do not focus on this. The child must understand that you yourself should not start a fight without a reason.
- Mass media. Children draw a lot of information from TV and the Internet. And if dad often watches action films, and the child looks, then already at a subconscious level, he remembers that a fight will help solve any problem.
- The child feels uncomfortable in kindergarten or school. They offend or humiliate him there. Fighting, the kid is trying to show that he no longer wants to visit this institution.
- Bad Company. Friends of the child love to be the instigators of the fight, and the baby tries to repeat the behavior of their peers.
The above describes why the children are fighting. Knowing the reasons, you can find a way out of any situation. It is better to eradicate such behavior at the beginning of its manifestation and not wait until it is too late.
Fights in kindergarten and school
Why do children fight in the garden or at school? Before starting a conversation with the baby about the fight, you must definitely talk with all the participants in the incident. Each child will express their point of view, and each will have its own truth.
Do not scold your baby, even if he is the instigator and even if he is wrong. A child should know that a fight is not a way out of a situation; You can find a solution using words. If a kid wanted to prove his truth by a fight, then he should be made aware that it is better to prove it by deed. It will be more convincing.
If you immediately punish the child after the fight (as it turned out that he was to blame), then the baby only harbors malice. And this will be the occasion of the next quarrel and fight. It may be that the child simply stops fighting back (will be afraid of punishment) and anybody who wants to take offense on him.
Reasons for fights in kindergarten
Common causes of a fight are:
- upholding your interests ("my dad is better", "my phone is cooler" and so on);
- an attempt to take a leading position, to be the main in the team;
- splash of accumulated aggression;
- just to attract attention.
The situation in the family and the fights of a child of two years
Why does a child fight at two years old? To answer this question is a little more difficult. A kid at this age cannot yet fully explain his behavior. Here you should conduct an assessment of the situation in the family and analyze the situation itself, which led to a fight.
Why do children fight among themselves?
The main reason for quarrels and fights is the desire to show their superiority. It is the responsibility of the parents to let the child (at any age) understand that the fight will not solve the problems. The kid should be able to fend for himself, but to be the instigator of a fight is not worth it. We must try to find out the reason for the quarrel and find a compromise. The child should know that smart people solve all problems with deed, and weak ones with fists.
Even knowing why the children are fighting, it is not always possible to find an approach to the child. Sometimes the help of a psychologist is required. Perhaps the child just needs to throw out the negative and energy. In this case, it is better to drink sedatives.
Fighting with brother, sister, household
Why is the child fighting with parents? It often happens that parents just laugh and find it funny when the baby (for example, at a year and a half) hits his mother, grandmother or sister. And later this translates into a serious problem. With a fight you need to start fighting from birth.
This is the first cause of fights with relatives. The child feels a sense of permissiveness. Since this amuses parents, the baby is happy to cheer them up, once again hitting one of their relatives.
The second reason is the desire to attract the attention of relatives. Why does a child fight in a year? It is not uncommon that mom and dad get tired after work. In addition, there are so many household chores, and there is no time for a child. The kid is also tired of being without attention, he needs to express his love and get the same in return from his parents. Sometimes the time (30 minutes daily) allocated to the baby gives an excellent result. You can put off cooking, mopping, and so on - these things will not go anywhere, and there will be no problems if you do them in half an hour.
The third reason is that something happened in the child during the day (the drawing did not work, his favorite toy broke, just a bad mood), and he tries to throw out the negative by striking one of his relatives. Punishment and abuse are redundant here. First you need to find out the reason for this behavior and help solve the problem.
Having learned the reason why the child is fighting with mom, dad, sister, you also need to know the correct way out of the situation.
How to behave if a child starts to fight?
The first thing that comes to parents’s mind is to flog it and put it in a corner (some dads and mothers think that “calf tenderness” only spoils the child), conversations are put aside. How to react to a fight a child? Psychologists advise the following:
- Do not be touched when the baby hit someone from loved ones. And if the child struck, then there is no need to scold him. It’s better to try to make it clear how mom / grandmother is in pain. If the child does not understand this, then you can temporarily ignore him, so that he understands that no one is friends and does not communicate with such children.
- A good option is simply to hug the baby in response to a blow and not let him out of his hands until he settles down. Only after this can you start a conversation and understand the reason for this behavior.
- If the child is fighting, because he simply has nowhere to put his energy, then you can give him to the section. Let all the energy go into peace.
- If possible, give the baby more attention. You can talk about such behavior in advance and tell you how to resolve conflict situations.
- Try not to watch movies containing negativity and malice when children are. To control what games the kid likes to play.
- If a child is overwhelmed with malice for injustice (for example, he got a deuce at school, and he does not agree with this), then let him tear the paper, throw anger on the pillow, and so on.
- Support and praise the child if he finds a way out of the situation and avoids a fight.
- To teach to really find a solution in controversial situations without a fight. And control your emotions.
- Avoid fights and quarrels in the family. If something has accumulated, the relationship can be clarified while the child is on a walk, in kindergarten, school.
- If it is discovered that the baby is in a bad company, you need to try to get him out of it. You can explain your point of view to the child, tell why you do not like his friends. Take his free time with circles or other developmental activities.
Conclusion
It turns out that in the fights of children it often happens that the parents themselves are to blame. Just at the right time the child was not given due attention. The main thing when raising a baby is to adhere to the rules of behavior and be prepared for the fact that the baby will not learn the lesson the first time. Grandparents should be asked not to pamper the baby.
If the child is fighting, first you need to find out why the fight occurred, to conduct a conversation with the child, to eliminate all provoking factors in the family. And most importantly - to pay attention to the child and his education.