Vagaries and stubbornness are two whales that many parents (especially young ones) endure with great difficulty, and who are abused by a huge number of children. Unfortunately, a stubborn child can put parents in a very uncomfortable position, because finding ways to influence a stubborn child is quite difficult. Of course, the mothers and fathers of these babies try to find an approach to them and behave themselves in such a way as to at least somehow smooth out capricious moments.
Give space to the child
From the first years of the baby’s life, parents are gradually trying to accustom him to independence, responsibility for all their actions and independence of judgment. It is difficult for adults to stay on the brink - not to “strangle” with their advice and total control, not to “crush” authority, not to exaggerate with the number of threats, punishments and praises.
But even advanced mothers who constantly analyze their pedagogical experience and still make mistakes, giving children the opportunity to communicate freely, to have their own opinions, to be equal, and at the same time beloved and indulged, can raise a stubborn whim.
Talk about stubbornness
Stubbornness is not a completely negative trait of human character. Its positive features include self-confidence, proper perseverance, adequate self-esteem (of one’s strength, intellect ...). Stubborn people can set a goal and achieve it, even if circumstances and the people around them show resistance. On the other hand, from time to time a very stubborn child will not reckon with the opinion of mom and dad, and especially grandparents (if they, of course, take part in the upbringing), respect them (or pretend). For adults, this is a really difficult situation. Raising a stubborn baby can turn into a struggle for parents and the older generation - a complex, debilitating, sometimes useless one. Moreover, this struggle is not “for”, but “against” - the dearest, beloved and so little dependent on adults is a small person.
Inability to control emotions
So why is the child stubborn? Understanding the origins of his misconduct is quite difficult. For adults, it seems that children who do not yet go to school have an absolutely calm life without worries. After all, even they don’t need to learn lessons yet. But psychologists believe that for the first time, stubbornness in children manifests itself at the age of three: it is then that children begin to evaluate their personality and themselves in a completely new way. In this age period, kids begin to get acquainted with new emotions, but they have not yet learned how to control them. The result is a very vivid reaction to words and events. It manifests itself in the form of moods, disobedience, tantrums and resentment.
Reasons for Childhood Stubbornness
Yes, it happens that a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to raise such a baby correctly? To correct his behavior, first of all, it is necessary to establish the reasons why he is stubborn. Most often, the following factors lead to disobedience of children who have not yet attended school:
- Emotional background in the family. If the baby sees frequent conflicts between parents and other family members, then stubbornness will be a natural reaction to this. So the child is trying to shift the attention of adults.
- The crisis of three years. Psychologists believe that the baby begins its first age crisis at the age of three to four years. It was during this period that significant changes were observed in his behavior. Stubbornness is just one of the brightest manifestations of this.
- Individual features of a preschool child. Do not forget that the baby is also a person, therefore, he forms his own temperament, his own character. It is possible that stubbornness is just part of a childish character.
- Features of education. If you treat your baby too softly, this can often lead to the fact that he feels like the center of filming a whole family. And in this case, childish obstinacy will be the answer to any “disobedience” on the part of mom and dad. The situation will be exactly the same in families in which very strict rules of upbringing are practiced.
How to make contact?
In a family where a stubborn child grows up, parents know that it is very difficult to negotiate with him. The baby already has an opinion, and if mom or dad disagree with him, a serious conflict may arise. Attempts to persuade a child to do something or even make him usually end in an emotional outburst. Parents, on the one hand, should not succumb to such behavior, and on the other, they don’t have to resist. After all, at first the stubborn child will still be the winner. What to do in this situation? The best that adults will do in this case is to begin to establish contact with the baby, and then engage in their re-education.
Parents should understand that their stubbornness is in most cases not a defect in behavior. So the baby is trying to show internal emotional stress. Therefore, the usually used reward and punishment system does not give the desired effect, but only exacerbates the situation. You need to start with a simple one - as often as possible to communicate with the child, even when the vagaries appear, adults need to calmly respond to this. The dialogue cannot be stopped, you cannot leave in another room, just as you do not need to give in to manipulations. Most likely, this will be enough - the crumb will understand that it is useless to put pressure on parents with obstinacy, and will not use it.
We respond to stubbornness
If a stubborn and naughty child grows up in a family, it is important to learn how to react correctly to his behavior.
Mom and Dad need to seek a compromise. And benevolently and stocking up with patience. For example, a daughter wants to wear a New Year's dress in a kindergarten. With tears, she refuses to try on something else that her mother offers. In this case, you can agree that in the kindergarten she will be in beautiful shoes, with a festive hairstyle and an elegant handbag. A dress can be reserved for some holiday, for example, on New Year's Eve or the celebration of one of the children. Sometimes you can give in to a child only by explaining that this is not the result of his whims, but the good will of his mother. This refers to something simple, but not important situations and serious matters, such as going to the doctor or vaccinations. Let (in very rare cases) a growing child of 5 years old - stubborn and capricious - make his choice and act as he wanted. Sometimes parents must let him pay for their mistake.
Adults must be in control. No matter what he does or says (“I do not love you!”, “You are wrong!”) Baby. It must be understood that his behavior and character are the result of just parental pedagogical efforts and some kind of miscalculations. We must talk with a capricious baby. Take the time to explain your position and its advantages. But in no case do not put pressure on the child and do not threaten him. After all, such methods do not work with real stubborn people.
We interact with a stubborn baby
The education of a stubborn child and communication with him should be based on the principles of trust. Then it will be a little easier to interact with him.
For the smallest, the option with distraction is suitable. The most effective such method will be for those who are experiencing a crisis of three years of age. You can carry small bright objects with you - whistles, toys, books, balloons, soap bubbles. If the baby is stubborn and does not want to leave a walk on the playground, you can whistle whistles, blow colorful balloons, sing songs or recite poems (mom should know them a lot and quote them for various reasons) and fairy tales.
It often happens that nothing seems to have happened, and the child is stubborn. 4 years is the age when fairy tale therapy is still a separate item. Many of the famous Russian folk tales are suitable in order to draw a conclusion about the harmfulness of stubbornness. For example, “Masha and the Three Bears” - a girl, not listening to her mother, ran away into the forest, just like that, from pure obstinacy. And there she got into the hut where the bear family lived. How it ended, everyone knows. Or "The Tale of Little Red Riding Hood", in which the girl did not listen to her mother and began to talk with the gray wolf, blabbing to him where she was going and why. The result is also known to everyone.
A warm, respectful, kind family atmosphere will benefit. Constant “hugs”, things that can and should be done together, occupational therapy (taking into account the baby’s age and gender) will help level the peculiarities of raising a stubborn child. Indeed, often his stubbornness is just a sign that the baby is uncomfortable, he is offended by his parents, he has stress, he does not feel happiness in the house. You just need to love your child, and - any - and naughty, and capricious, and stubborn. Then he will learn to appreciate, respect, love his parents. And, if possible, obey.
Bad trait exclusively in childhood
During children's vagaries, it is quite difficult for adults to control themselves. Before them is their beloved, adored, but such a stubborn child. How to behave with him?
It must be remembered that if the parents break into a cry and show their anger to the baby, he is convinced that he managed to manipulate adults with these or those tools. It is understandable when a child comes to this conclusion, it is not a fact that he will cease to be obstinate. Most likely, his cruel experiment will continue.
So, a stubborn child grows in the family. How to set boundaries? First of all, we must try to understand that stubbornness is a bad trait only in childhood. In the future, she will help the little one, making him more confident in her own abilities, giving the opportunity to defend her point of view in any situation. That is why it is very important not to suppress all the “harmfulness” of the baby in the bud, not to overdo it in raising the child too hard, literally from a stick, and try not to suppress his craving for actions and disputes in defiance.
Reasons for Stubbornness
There are many situations in which parents worry that their stubborn child is growing up. How to set the boundaries of what is possible and what is not?
We must immediately dwell on the fact that such a quality manifests itself in babies who are two years old. This is due to the fact that children grow up, they form the understanding that they can influence events or even become the central figure in them. Quite often, such difficult behavior of children helps them to increase their self-esteem, because as soon as they persist, their parents begin to persuade them or even express threats out loud. Most of the kids watch this with a smile. Especially if these threats from parents remain in words.
So the stubborn child has fun. How to establish the boundaries of what is permitted in communication with him and in education?
The only way to do this is to resort to tougher measures. Parents should come up with a few basic rules and try to teach the baby to follow them. There should not be many rules. The main thing is that they are simple. And it is very important not to deviate from the rules created by ourselves. The kid must understand what his responsibilities include and how he will be punished if he refuses to fulfill them.
How can a stubborn child be punished? How to establish the boundaries of permitted actions and prohibited?
When you have to educate a stubborn, it’s very important not to show him your own softness. If the baby is behaving badly, and his mother told him to leave in his room without dinner, you must follow your own words. After all, a stubborn child must understand that parental words have weight.
If the baby does not ask at the store, but demands to buy him a toy or sweetness, one should clearly explain why right now mother cannot buy it. For stubborn, a motivational system is useful. For example, to come up with a rule according to which, if a child takes away toys himself, then you can reward him with delicious chocolate, a small doll or a typewriter.
If the baby is stubborn in food, you should not rush with punishment, but try to figure out what exactly he does not like. No need to force him to eat, it is better to try to find a better alternative.
Only a firm and confident tone of the parent can stop the unacceptable actions of the child. The kid should immediately understand what his mom or dad wants from him. You should not ask your child questions like “Why are you doing this?”, Because they contribute to children's philosophical thoughts. You just need to say: “Stop,” “Stop immediately.” But when the baby follows the order, you need to be prepared for the fact that you have to answer his many questions. He will want to know why you don’t have to play with matches or touch a hot iron. Mom needs to stop all her affairs for literally five minutes and talk with the baby, giving him a clear answer.
What should be done and what not?
If contact is established in the baby, but he is still stubborn, the system of relations in the family should be changed. There are several simple rules for moms and dads that will help answer the question of how a stubborn child should be raised.
It is very important to establish a family atmosphere. If adults understand that family relationships are far from ideal, you need to work in this direction. The stubbornness of the baby as a reaction to problems in the family is an indicator that it is necessary to solve them very quickly.
Keep calm. If the baby begins to hysteria, proves his point or refuses to do something that adults have instructed him, you need to be patient and go about their business. When parents react to attacks of obstinacy, they “turn on the green light” for such behavior.
No need to conflict. It is useless and tiring to argue with a stubborn baby. He certainly will not obey, but he will be able to spoil tensions very well.
Adults must argue their every position. If you simply prohibit or ask, it will not affect the baby. Therefore, motivation and argumentation of words are useful here. It is necessary to explain in a clear language to the child why it is impossible to behave in one way or another and why he needs to carry out those or other instructions.
Try to create the illusion of choice. If the baby does not want to fulfill the request, you should offer him a choice. And do not come up with real alternatives. It will be enough to create an illusion for him. For example, "What do we do first - eat or fold books?" With this approach, the baby will not take the request as an order, therefore it will calmly carry out everything.
Often praise the child and in no case do not compare him with peers. When personality formation occurs, babies become especially sensitive. Therefore, any comparison with other children is inappropriate for them. Such statements will in no way contribute to the proper motivation of the child. They will lead to the fact that problems will worsen and confidence in the baby will decrease.
What can be said in conclusion? The main thing for parents is not to give up and not let the whims of their little ones go by gravity. Toddlers should comprehend the rules of decent behavior, good manners and morality at the most tender age, thanks to the promptings of mothers and fathers, and by the example of their behavior. Despite the fact that children's characters are very complex, about 80 percent of the baby’s behavior still depends on education.