It is quite a common situation when a child of 3 years does not obey. What to do in this case, not all parents know. Many of them are trying to calm the child by persuasion, screaming and even physical impact. Some adults just follow the baby’s lead. Both make a mistake. Why is a three-year-old child not obeying and how to stop this? These questions will be answered by the publication.
The crisis of three years
To understand why the baby does not obey, it is necessary to understand children's psychology. As a rule, at 3 years the child already considers himself a person, an adult with his needs and desires. Adults, on the other hand, continue to treat him like an unconscious baby. Because of this, misunderstandings, tantrums and conflicts arise.
In general, disobedience of a child at 3 years is the norm. As psychologists and psychiatrists say, this age coincides with the crisis, which is necessary for further personal development. It can occur a little earlier or later (in 2.5 - 4 years). It all depends on the temperament, upbringing and the degree of confidence of the relationship between the baby and the parents. That is, the child does not obey at 3 years old, not because he is bad, but because personality changes occur with him.
How can one characterize the crisis of this age? Children begin to develop traits such as stubbornness, negativity, obstinacy, self-will, rebellion, devaluation, despotism. Psychologist L. S. Vygotsky believed that these qualities are necessary for the formation of a sense of recognition and self-esteem, although they create difficulties for adults. Modern psychiatrists completely agree with this.
Upholding independence
At 3 years old, children begin to separate themselves from other people, become aware of their capabilities and feel like a source of will. Toddlers compare themselves with adults and want to perform the same actions that they do. For example, “I’m already big, I’ll tie my shoelaces myself!” At the same time, the child begins to feel autonomy from mom and dad. He realizes that he is a separate person who has his own desires, preferences and tastes. This contributes to the formation of internal protest, so the child at 3 years of age does not obey and is hysterical. For example, he may call names, break toys, offend other children, refuse to eat porridge that his mother cooked. Because of this, adults get the impression that the child is just testing their nerves for strength.
The kid behaves disgustingly only because it seems to him that adults want to restrict his freedom by some conventions and rules. And by his disobedience, he begins to check how important this framework is for others and what will happen if they are violated.
Manifestation of independence
Children at 3 years old want to be perceived as adults, so they are very offended if they are called small. At this age, a positive image of “I” is taking shape, so kids love to flaunt their successes and be in the spotlight. Achievements add optimism to them, which allows them to consider themselves good. And I want to do everything on my own, without any help. A child at 3 years of age does not obey his parents, because every immutable truth is being questioned. There is absolutely no desire to do everything only at the direction of adults. Only a thorough review of the rules of conduct can help shape your view of the world.
Broadening the horizons
The reason for the disobedience of a three-year-old baby can be an expansion of his horizons. At this age, everything becomes interesting and you want to independently explore such a huge surrounding world. Even if mom says not to go there, the little one perceives this as a challenge. He just wonders what is so unusual about it.
Fatigue
A child in 3 years does not obey, screaming and crying, it would seem, for no reason? It is worth considering the daily routine of your child. Some parents at such an early age begin to load their baby with numerous knowledge and skills, writing him in all kinds of circles. This can lead not only to physical, but also to emotional fatigue. Hence the unbalanced psychological state and disobedience.
Authoritarian parenting style
He assumes that the parents command, and the child unconditionally complies with any instructions and implicitly obeys. At the same time, adults are not interested in the desires of the child, which makes it very disappointing. Such attacks on the "I" can form a pretty revolutionary attitude. As a result, the child begins to throw tantrums, if only they heard him. This is a peculiar cry of the baby about being respected as a person.
Tense family atmosphere
In some families, parents disrespect each other, swear and even raise a hand to their neighbor. And there is nothing surprising in the fact that their child at 3 years of age does not obey and fights. He simply copies the model of adult behavior typical of the family, believing that such behavior is quite normal.
What to do?
A child of 3 years old does not listen so much that it seems that nothing can be done about it. Parents just give up and follow the lead of their little monster. For example, it’s easier for mom to remove the toys herself than to endlessly ask the little one about it. But inaction cannot be, otherwise the situation will worsen. If you do not stop the wrong behavior, then the child will feel permissiveness. But it is important to understand how to properly meet the needs of the child in order to adjust its development in the right direction.
Compliance with the daily routine
Most parents do not ration the day crumbs, and make a mistake. It is very important to share the moments of feeding, cognitive activities, games and rest. For each component, you need to allocate time, preferably in the same hours. This will help to form the baby’s habit of following these rules. It becomes clear to him that certain events are followed by others. As a result, the child ceases to be irritable, aggressive and anxious. If there is no regime, then do not be surprised that a child at 3 years old does not obey. He simply does not know what to expect and what will need to be done next.
Prohibitions and restrictions
Of course, if everything is allowed to a little man, then in the end it will result in disobedience. Having once made a concession, there is a great risk of being in a disadvantageous position. Then do not be surprised why the little one behaves like a devil.
In fact, it is very easy for parents to lose their authority in the eyes of the child. Therefore, from an early age it is necessary to explain to him what is permitted and what is prohibited. This rule should apply to all children of any age. Bans are an integral part of proper education. If you do not enter them, then the end result is obvious - the child does not obey. By the age of 3-5, children usually already begin to clearly understand how to act, and how - not.
Fair prohibitions and restrictions are useful for the formation in the baby of an adequate attitude to himself and the world. If everything is allowed, then he will soon cease to appreciate what he has, and will take everything for granted. In addition, many bans are necessary for the safety and health of children.
But you should understand that you do not need to limit the child in everything. Otherwise, obstacles to development can be created. If a three-year-old baby is behaving ugly, then he is not aware of this. He just wants to feel his worth and importance.
Justify punishment
If a child of 3 years does not obey, what should I do? Of course, it must be punished. But your method of exposure must be explained. The kid should understand that he did badly, and for what specifically he is punished. Otherwise, he can get very angry and harbor resentment for many years. Sometimes it seems to parents that everything is clear here, and there’s no need to explain the reason. But this is not so. The crumbs are not yet able to instantly compare all the facts and come to the corresponding conclusions. If the child can calmly explain everything, then he will not be so offended, and he will begin to reflect on his act.
How to punish a child? Many parents use not only verbal, but also physical methods of influence. Psychologists and psychiatrists note that the latter methods are absolutely unacceptable. Studies prove that this measure does not improve emotional contact between children and adults, but, on the contrary, alienates them from each other. Physical punishment leads not only to misunderstandings in relationships, but also to the formation of grievances and various complexes. As a result, a grown child will behave inappropriately, aggressively and become uncontrollable.
Is it possible to punish young children verbally? What do experts think about this and what advice do they give? A child at 3 years old does not obey only for the reason that this is not stopped at all. Improper behavior needs to be corrected - as psychiatrists and psychologists think. If the baby is behaving inappropriately, then the father or mother should immediately express their opinion and make it clear that they do not approve of such actions. Punishments like “Then I won’t buy a toy”, “You won’t watch TV” are absolutely ineffective. If the child allows himself pranks or is naughty, it will be enough to calmly make a remark to him and explain without shouting why you can’t act like that. Such a method of influencing a naughty child will be the most correct.
Separate the act from the personality
Psychologists also note that parents often make a mistake when verbally punishing a child. If he does something bad, then he is immediately called bad. But this is not so. The kid just did something that contradicts society's ideas about norms.
If a child of 3 years does not obey - what to do and say in this case? It will be correct to say that the act is ugly, therefore it characterizes a person from the bad side. With this approach, the personality of the baby is not affected. In choosing expressions you need to be extremely careful. At this age, it is very easy for children to believe in their worthlessness and inferiority. As a result, the child will not obey, but his self-confidence will develop as a plus.
Can a child concede?
Children, even at an early age, are smart enough. Therefore, they quickly realize that they are constantly inferior to them. But adults should not give slack, especially if their child rolls the scene. In situations where the child does not obey at the age of 3, Evgeny Olegovich Komarovsky, a well-known doctor and writer, recommends that adults ignore tantrums and other inappropriate behavior. Weeping and whims children experience the nerves of parents for strength. If you remain calm and not react in any way, then the impact of a tantrum will be postponed until the next case, and eventually will be completely forgotten.
Of course, you need to reasonably approach everything and in some cases give way to your baby, because he only knows this world. According to experts in the field of psychology, those things that contribute to the development of character and help to remain safe should always remain unshakable. For example, a child should know from an early age that you can’t play on the road, go into the red light, indulge in fire, make noise in a public place. It is possible and necessary to give way to a peanut if he is sick. At such moments, children should receive special support and attention. If a child wants a desired toy, then it should not be bought at the first request, but, for example, for the next holiday. So the baby will learn to understand that everything costs money and is not given just like that.
The child does not obey at 3 years: advice from psychologists and psychiatrists
- Do not be fooled by provocations, patiently talk with your child in a calm tone.
- Do not give up, defend your position to the end.
- With tantrums, you do not need to say that this is bad. This will only intensify crying and screaming. It is better to ignore or divert attention to something else.
- You cannot force a child to act directly. It is much more effective to do this in a playful way.
- You can substitute desires. For example, “Today you can’t buy ice cream, but juice and fruit yogurt are easy!”
- If the baby requires something, you can give him the right to choose, but only from those options that are suitable for an adult.
- Always encourage children for their independence.
When a three-year-old baby does not obey, patience, understanding and diplomatic abilities need to be shown. Do not forget that the child learns the world and is just learning to behave in it.