Quite often, people with children turn to psychologists for help. Moms and dads ask specialists where their beloved children might have undesirable qualities, bad behavior. The most important role in the formation of personality is played by education. The character of the children and their future life depend on his style and type chosen by the parents. What methods and forms of education are used? This question is worth sorting out, because the answer to it will be useful for all parents to know.
What is parenting and what styles exist?
The word "education" appeared in the speech of people a very long time ago. The Slavic texts dated 1056 act as evidence of this. It was in them that the concept in question was first discovered. In those days, the word “upbringing” was given such meanings as “to cultivate,” “to nourish,” and a little later it began to be used in the meaning of “to instruct”.
In the future, this concept was given many different interpretations by various specialists. If we analyze them, then we can say that education is:
- the formation of a person who will be useful to society and who can live in it, will not avoid other people, will not become isolated in itself;
- interaction of educators and foster children;
- learning process.
Parents, raising their children, often do not think about organizing this process. They act as prompted by intuition, life experience. Simply put, moms and dads raise sons and daughters the way they do it. Thus, each family adheres to a certain style of education. Under this term, specialists understand the characteristic models of the relationship of parents to their child.
There are many classifications of parenting styles. One of them is proposed by Diana Baumrind. This American psychologist has identified the following family parenting styles:
- authoritarian;
- authoritative;
- liberal.
Subsequently, this classification was supplemented. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin highlighted another parenting style . He was called indifferent. Some sources use such terms as “hypo-care”, “indifferent style” to refer to this model. Below are discussed in detail the styles of education, the characteristics of each of them.
The authoritarian style of family education
Some parents keep their children strict, apply strict methods and forms of education. They give instructions to their children and await their fulfillment. These families have strict rules and requirements. Children should do everything, not bicker. With misconduct and improper behavior, whims, parents punish their children, do not take into account their opinions, do not ask for any explanation. This style of family education is called authoritarian.
In this model, the independence of children is very limited. Parents who adhere to this parenting style think that their child will grow up obedient, executive, responsible and serious. However, the final result is completely unexpected for moms and dads:
- Active and strong in character children begin to show themselves, as a rule, in adolescence. They rebel, show aggression, quarrel with their parents, dream of freedom and independence, and that is why they often run away from their parents' homes.
- Insecure children obey their parents, fear them, and are afraid of punishment. In the future, such people will turn out to be independent, timid, reserved and gloomy.
- Some children, growing up, take an example from their parents - create families similar to those in which they grew up, keep both wives and children in strictness.
Authoritative style in family education
In some sources, experts refer to this model by the terms “democratic style of education”, “cooperation”, since it is the most favorable for the formation of a harmonious personality. This parenting style is based on a warm relationship and a fairly high level of control. Parents are always open for communication, striving to discuss and solve all the problems that arise with their children. Moms and dads encourage the independence of sons and daughters, but in some cases they can indicate what needs to be done. Children listen to their elders, they know the word "must."
Thanks to the authoritative style of education, children become socially adapted. They are not afraid to communicate with other people, they are able to find a common language. The authoritative style of education allows you to grow independent and self-confident individuals with high self-esteem and capable of self-control.
Authoritative style is an ideal model of education. However, exclusive commitment to her is still undesirable. For a child at an early age, authoritarianism emanating from parents is necessary and useful. For example, mothers and fathers should point out to the baby the wrong behavior and require him to comply with any social norms and rules.
Liberal relationship model
The liberal (conniving) style of upbringing is observed in those families where parents are very condescending. They communicate with their children, absolutely everything is allowed to them, they do not establish any prohibitions, they strive to demonstrate unconditional love for their sons and daughters.
Children brought up in families with a liberal relationship model have the following features:
- are often aggressive, impulsive;
- strive not to deny themselves anything;
- love to show off;
- do not like physical and mental labor;
- demonstrate self-confidence bordering on rudeness;
- clash with other people who don't indulge them.
Very often, the inability of parents to control their child leads to the fact that he falls into asocial groups. Sometimes a liberal parenting style leads to good results. Active, decisive and creative people grow out of some children who have known freedom and independence since childhood (the way a particular child will become a person depends on the characteristics of his character laid down by nature).
The indifferent style of raising a child in the family
This model highlights aspects such as indifferent parents and embittered children. Moms and dads do not pay attention to their sons and daughters, treat them coldly, do not show care, affection and love, are occupied only with their problems. Children are unlimited. They do not know any prohibitions. Such concepts as “good”, “compassion” are not inculcated in them, therefore children do not show sympathy for animals or for other people.
Some parents not only show their indifference, but also hostility. Children in such families feel unnecessary. They exhibit deviant behavior with destructive impulses.
Classification of types of family education according to Eidemiller and Justiskis
An important role in the development of personality is played by the type of family education. This is a characteristic of the value orientations and attitudes of the parents, the emotional attitude towards the child. E.G. Eidemiller and V.V. Justiskis created a classification of relations, in which several basic types characterizing the education of boys and girls were distinguished:
- Indulgent hyperprotection. All family attention is directed to the child. Parents strive to satisfy all his needs and whims, fulfill their desires and fulfill their dreams.
- Dominant hyperprotection. The child is in the spotlight. Parents constantly monitor him. The independence of the child is limited, because mom and dad periodically put him some prohibitions and restrictions.
- Cruel treatment. The family has a huge number of requirements. The child must fulfill them unquestioningly. Disobedience, whims, refusals and bad behavior are followed by harsh punishments.
- Neglect. With this type of family education, the child is left to his own devices. Mom and Dad do not care about him, are not interested in him, do not control his actions.
- Increased moral responsibility. Parents do not pay much attention to the child. However, they make high moral demands on him.
- Emotional rejection. This education can be carried out according to the type of "Cinderella". Parents are hostile and unfriendly towards the child. They do not give affection, love and warmth. At the same time, they are very picky about their offspring, demanding that he observe order and obey family traditions.
Classification of types of education according to Garbuzov
V.I. Garbuzov noted the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of features of the character of the child. At the same time, the specialist identified 3 types of parenting in the family:
- Type A. Parents are not interested in the individual characteristics of the child. They do not take them into account, do not seek to develop. The upbringing of this type is inherent in tight control, imposing on the child the only correct behavior.
- Type B. For this option of upbringing, the anxious-suspicious concept of parents about the child’s health status and social status, the expectation of success in school and future work are characteristic.
- Type B. Parents, all relatives pay attention to the child. He is the idol of the family. All his needs and desires are sometimes satisfied to the detriment of family members and other people.
Research Clemence
Swiss researchers led by A. Clemence identified the following styles of parenting:
- Directive. With this style in the family, all decisions are made by parents. The task of the child is to accept them, to fulfill all the requirements.
- Participatory. A child can independently decide something about himself. However, the family has several general rules. The child is obliged to fulfill them. Otherwise, parents apply punishment.
- Delegating. The child makes decisions independently. Parents do not impose their points of view on him. They do not pay much attention to him until his behavior leads to serious problems.
Disharmonious and harmonious education
All the considered parenting styles and types can be combined into 2 groups. This is disharmonious and harmonious upbringing. For each group, some features are inherent, which are listed below in the table.
Disharmonious and harmonious education| Characteristics | Disharmonious education | Harmonious education |
| Emotional component | - the parent does not pay attention to the child, do not show affection and care for him;
- parents are cruel to the child, punish him, beat him;
- parents give their child too much attention.
| - in a family all members are equal;
- attention is paid to the child, parents take care of him;
- in communication there is mutual respect.
|
| Cognitive component | - the parent's position is not thought out;
- the needs of the child are met excessively or insufficiently;
- there is a high level of inconsistency, inconsistency in relations between parents and children, and a low level of cohesion of family members.
| - the rights of the child are recognized in the family;
- independence is encouraged, freedom is limited within reason;
- there is a high level of satisfaction of the needs of all family members;
- the principles of education are characterized by stability, consistency.
|
| Behavioral component | - the child’s actions are monitored;
- parents punish their child;
- everything is allowed to the child; his actions are not controlled.
| - the child’s actions are first controlled, as they grow older, they switch to self-control;
- the family has an adequate system of rewards and sanctions.
|
Why is disharmonious upbringing observed in some families?
Parents use inharmonious types and styles of parenting in the family. This happens for a variety of reasons. These are life circumstances, character traits, and unconscious problems of modern parents, and unmet needs. Among the main reasons for disharmonious education are the following:
- projection on the child of their own undesirable qualities;
- underdevelopment of parental feelings;
- educational uncertainty of parents;
- the presence of fear of losing a child.
For the first reason, parents see in the child those qualities that they themselves have, but do not recognize them. For example, a child is prone to laziness. Parents punish their child, abuse him because of the presence of this personal quality. The struggle allows them to believe that they themselves do not have this drawback.
The second reason mentioned above is observed in those people who did not experience parental heat in childhood. They do not want to deal with their child, try to spend less time with him, not communicate, so they use inharmonious styles of family education of children. Also, this reason is observed in many young people who were not psychologically ready for the appearance of a child in their lives.
Educational uncertainty arises, as a rule, among weak individuals. Parents with such a disadvantage do not have special requirements for the child, satisfy all his desires, as they cannot refuse him. A small family member finds a vulnerability in mom and dad and takes advantage of this, ensures that he has a maximum of rights and a minimum of responsibilities.
In the presence of a phobia of loss, parents feel the defenselessness of their child. It seems to them that he is fragile, weak, painful. They protect him. Because of this, such inharmonious styles of upbringing of teenagers as condoning and dominant hyperprotection arise.
What is a harmonious family education?
With harmonious education, parents accept the child as he is. They do not try to correct his minor flaws, do not impose any behavior patterns on him. The family has a small number of rules and prohibitions that absolutely comply with everything. The needs of the child are met to a reasonable extent (while the needs of other family members are not ignored or infringed).
With harmonious education, the child independently chooses his own path of development. Mom and Dad do not force him to go to any creative circles, if he does not want it himself. The independence of the child is encouraged. If necessary, parents only give the necessary advice.
For parenting to be harmonious, parents need to:
- always find time to communicate with the child;
- take an interest in his successes and failures, help to cope with some problems;
- Do not put pressure on the child, do not impose your own points of view on him;
- treat the child as an equal member of the family;
- instill in the child such important qualities as kindness, empathy, respect for other people.
In conclusion, it is worth noting that it is very important to choose the types and styles of parenting in the family. It depends on what the child will become, what his future life will be like, whether he will communicate with people around him, whether he will become closed and uncommunicative. At the same time, parents need to remember that the key to effective education is love for a small family member, interest in him, a friendly, conflict-free atmosphere in the house.