The kid was wonderful, kissed his mother, loved the manifestation of tenderness, smiled joyfully, ran at the sight of homeless cats to pet them. The child has grown up, where did the little angel go? In a child at 3 years of age, aggression began to manifest itself constantly. What should parents do?
Why does aggression arise?
The kid is growing up, his self-awareness is being formed, he begins to consider the people around him and things from his point of view. She is still weak, almost unconscious, but already existing. Parents think that a three-year-old child understands little. In fact, at this age he becomes a manipulator, a whim and a tantrum.
Constant companions of a child at 3 years - aggression and hysteria. The baby begins the first protracted crisis, when the child grows out of the society of certain children, begins to relate to parents and carers differently, checking their strength. It is important to understand why aggressive behavior begins.
Psychologists point out several possible reasons:
- The presence of an irritant near the baby, leading his aggression to constant readiness.
- The situation in the family.
- Adult rejection of the child’s feelings.
- The situation in the kindergarten.
- The kid constantly feels a sense of anxiety.
This is the list of causes of aggression in children 3 years old, then we will consider each in detail.
Persistent irritant
It would seem that he can inflate a child to such an extent that he loses control over himself, becomes rude and prone to constant hysteria? Who will believe that it will be about modern means of technology and cartoons?
Parents should admit to themselves that it’s easier for them to put their child in front of the TV or give a tablet - let them watch something. And it’s good if the choice falls on the good old animated films, because there are hardly any benefits from numerous modern films. Of course, there are developmental programs in the form of children's programs, no one argues with this. But for the most part, the kids are not watching them, but films that affect the central nervous system.
The impact of a computer, TV, and other gadgets is a sore point. They negatively affect the central nervous system of children and adults. It is likely that the notorious means of modern technology are the irritant that provokes aggression in a child at 3 years old.
Cartoons act on the psyche of the baby in a rather unceremonious way. One has only to look at the child. How does he position himself? Does he identify with negative heroes, trying to imitate them? So there was a common cause of aggression in a child of 3 years. What should parents do, how to eradicate it?
There is an exit. You just need to remove the cartoons with the negative characters, replacing them with kinder tapes. there are many of them, you won’t have to search for a long time. Difficulties arise, we warn you right away, the baby will try to assert its rights to view the favorite cartoon. As an option, we can say that the heroes fell ill and went for treatment.
Family environment
Psychologists have proven that in families where parents constantly swear, children grow up to be aggressive people. The fact is that the baby thinks a little differently than mom and dad. He projects adult abuse at himself, thinking about his own involvement in the scandal. Since the closest people shout at each other - it is because of me, I am to blame.
Here is another reason for aggression in children 2-3 years old - a self-cultivated sense of guilt. The kid understands that he is not comfortable being guilty, and he is not capable of defending himself or stop trying on the situation. The only way to protect is aggressive behavior.
The situation in the children's team
Now many mothers and fathers prefer to give their children to private gardens, motivating this with the best supervision and attitude from the teachers. On the one hand, there is some truth in this, because in a group of ten people it is easier to watch children than when there are over thirty of them. But specific children go to private gardens, many of them are too spoiled and behave disobediently and sometimes nervously.
If aggression in children 3-4 years of age becomes constant, it may be a matter of kindergarten. Other children offend the baby, provoking him to retaliate. In the state garden, educators also sin by resorting to threats or physical impact in order to achieve their own goals.
Rejection of children's feelings
Parental errors are also quite capable of provoking aggression in a 3-year-old child. We explain in more detail what is meant. Often, aggressive behavior is a kind of cry for help, an attempt to attract attention to yourself. Parents do not give the child sufficient love and affection, while others consider the manifestation of feelings as pampering, others have no time to deal with the baby. It turns out a strange picture: the child has everything except parental care.
Imagine a picture when a child caresses his mother, and she is under the influence of problems at work and drives off the child with a displeased look. We admit to ourselves - does this happen? Or annoyed dad pulls the baby when he comes to him with hugs and kisses. A child who has not received love begins to attract attention in a different way. Attacks of aggression in a 3-year-old child are often associated with this factor.
The second point is the prohibition of the manifestation of negative emotions. Parents, wanting to teach the baby the correct behavior, begin to ridicule his negative feelings or scold for them, preventing the child from 3 years of age from splashing out in the form of emotions. The baby is crying, and mom says with a grin to her: "Fu, how ugly you are. Enough of roaring." Or the son begins to act up, tears come to his eyes, and the pope reacts negatively, telling the child that he is a boy and should not cry. Ultimately, emotions accumulate, with no way out, turn into aggression. In a child at 3 years old, this is most noticeable.
Constant anxiety
The child is regularly nervous; danger seems to him everywhere. How could it be otherwise if relatives too care for their treasure? The child climbs the hill, but his mother is nearby and forbids him to do this, because too many dangers lie in wait for the baby here, it will fall again.
The kid is forbidden to go anywhere, everyone fears for his health. Mom constantly monitors the child, not allowing him to get acquainted with the world and live fully. If a child is aggressive at 3 years old, his relatives probably overdid him with his guardianship.
How to respond?
The famous doctor Evgeny Olegovich Komarovsky about aggression in a 3-year-old child says this: you must answer the same. It is worth arguing with the opinion of the eminent doctor. To respond with aggression to aggression is tantamount to likening a child. Parents descend on one level with him, hardly a child will begin to perceive them after that as leaders.
It is important to remain calm, to avoid reciprocal mirror actions in relation to the baby. Psychologists offer several methods aimed at changing the behavior of the child:
An unexpected loud sound - clap, knock, shout - will silence the child. It's time to take advantage of the silence and explain to the baby, using the example of fairy tales, how badly he behaves.
Read the little aggressor a few stories that feature aggressive characters. It could be the Golden Key with Karabas-Barabas, for example.
To occupy the baby with a game that allows you to discharge.
Suggest something unusual and funny. For example, call your favorite fairy-tale hero. In the meantime, the baby ponders what has been said, smile peacefully at him and offer to laugh at the joke of adults together.
Parents may be offended and leave the room, leaving the tantrum alone.
Games Details
You can stop aggression from a child at the age of 3.5 using interesting games. Their main direction is to relieve stress, throw off the accumulated energy and help the baby discharge. Psychologists distinguish ten games that contribute to the rapid direction of children's energy in a peaceful direction. Let's consider them further.
"Calling Mom"
The name looks indecent, but there is nothing shameful in the game. By "bad" words are meant the most common ones used in everyday speech.
You need a ball to play. Mom and baby sit opposite each other. The parent throws the ball to the offspring, calling it a "offensive" word. For example, tomato, cabbage, radish. The child "calls" her in response.
"We knock out the dust"
Aggression in a child of 3 years can be extinguished using a plaid or an ordinary pillow. Invite him to knock out the dust from the thing, while allowing him to scream.
"Fighting Pillows"
Which of the children is indifferent to outdoor games in the company of parents? There are hardly any.
We turn on the fun music that the baby likes, arm ourselves with pillows, and a fierce battle begins. Fighting players have two clear rules:
It is forbidden to say offensive words.
You cannot beat an opponent with your hands.
If the rules are violated, the game immediately stops.
"Snowball game"
The main disadvantage of the game is the waste of a large amount of white paper. They make snowballs from it and throw them at an opponent. But are these expenses really not worth the peace in the family? It’s hard to disagree.
"Salute, Maria!"
As in the previous version of the game, you need white paper. The kid tears it into small pieces and throws it up. There is one rule, they voice it in advance: they remove the remnants of the "salute" all together, the child helps her mother. The most daring can come up with other material for the game, for example, feathers from pillows.
"Roll the ball"
Breathing exercises have a beneficial effect on the nervous system. This is evidenced by psychologists who proposed this game as a discharge for a child.
Mom puts a tennis ball on a flat surface, the baby blows on him. A toy with a strong action of air will roll on the table. This will enthrall the three-year-old.
"Call the waves"
The game is suitable for relieving aggression in a child of 3 years, who loves water. The task is simple: we collect warm water into the bath, we suggest the baby blow on it. Waves form, the child will enjoy such a discharge. You can even run a paper boat there.
"The wind, you are mighty"
The game involves mom or dad. The baby is offered to blow off the parent. To do this, both family members sit on the floor. The child is gaining air into the lungs, blowing forcefully at mom or dad. The adult pretends to resist the wind.
"Stubborn Lamb"
The kid lies on his back, stretches his legs. With force throws them, striking the air. The moment of impact is accompanied by the word "no." If the family lives on the ground floor, you can kick the floor.
Home football
A small pillow is taken, an adult and a baby play football with it. An item can be kicked, thrown or taken from an opponent. It is forbidden to push, swear or act up. The game is terminated as soon as one of the listed rules is violated.
Sibling rivalry
It would seem, why is this subsection here? It is about the aggression of the baby, but not about his jealousy. The fact is that at the age of three, the child begins to actively show a possessive attitude towards mother, jealous of her for everyone. Dad, grandparents, friends - it doesn’t matter, he needs the constant presence of his mother nearby.
If the youngest child appears in the family, you should be prepared for the manifestation of aggression and hysteria on the part of the eldest offspring. It is impossible to punish for this, mother needs to allocate time for a three-year period. This is difficult, the mother needs rest, there is no strength for the eldest child. Sometimes it causes irritation. But it’s important for a child to understand that his mother loves him, nothing has changed with the birth of a brother or sister.
Caress your older child more often, letting him know that mom is nearby. Children have a great need for bodily contact. Especially with the mother, do not forget about it.
If friends came to visit, the parent sits with them and drinks tea, then you should not push away the baby who has entered the kitchen to show his love. Very often, young mothers are embarrassed to show tender feelings to outsiders. The kid will draw the wrong conclusions, deciding that they love these aunts at the table more than their son or daughter. It is possible that the three-year-old will be discharged at the objects of irritation, which are my mother’s girlfriends.
Do I need to talk with the baby?
It is unlikely that a three-year-old child will understand why his mother reads him a notation after a child has bitten her, for example. Bursting with a lecture for a couple of hours is an absurd lesson, but it’s worth having a little conversation. It is necessary to seat the child near him, ask why he did this, explain that the mother is hurt or unpleasant, depending on the action of the offspring.
Is it worth it to beat a child?
We return to Dr. Komarovsky, who speaks of a mirror response to the baby in case of aggressive behavior. Is it worth influencing him with a scream or physical punishment?
It all depends on the psyche of the child. Others will draw conclusions from the slap and realize that they behaved badly. Someone will throw a grand hysteria. Mom needs to know how her child will behave at the time of corporal punishment.
A simple example: a girl of three years old loved to bite, when she did not like something. All households suffered, even a cat got it. Grandmother and older brother could not cope with the aggressive girl, dad worked hard and came home when his daughter was already sleeping. Most often, mother got it, the poor woman humbly endured the baby's antics. One fine day she was tired of constant painful bites.
When the daughter once again bit her mother, she asked her a good bashing and asked if the girl was hurt. On an affirmative nod, Mum told me that she was no less hurt than a biting child. After this preventive measure, the girl stopped showing aggression.
Conclusion
From the article, readers learned about the types of aggression in a 3-year-old child, the mistakes of parents, the possible causes of the development and appearance of such a reaction, and methods of struggle. We often do not take our children seriously, brushing off their feelings and emotions. They seem to us small and thoughtless. In fact, at this age, children understand much more than their parents think.
Aggressive behavior attributable to the crisis of three years, is associated with a misunderstanding on the part of mom and dad. It is better to devote a few minutes to the baby, sorting out the problem, than the whole family will suffer from his aggressive behavior, tantrums and moods.