When a baby appears in a family, especially a long-awaited one, it’s not pleasant for a mother to shake him in her arms once more, hug him, and snuggle up to her own little ball. This is not only correct, but also necessary first of all to the peanut. But what should be done so that in the future, when the baby grows up, swaying and carrying on his hands do not become a constant norm for him? How not to accustom a child to the hands? Let's try to figure this out.
Are mothers afraid to accustom their baby?
Already grown children do not have enough gentle mom's touches and kind gentle hugs. But, unlike adults and adolescents, newborn babies are lucky: they always enjoy the love and warmth of a loved one, because mothers carry them in their arms almost all the time. Such idyllic pictures can break only the lamentations of grandmothers: is it necessary to accustom a child to his hands, because he can grow up spoiled? Is it really right to listen to the advice of the representatives of the older generation, or is it better to rely on the instinct of a loving mother and at the first request of the baby to pick him up? On average, the period of carrying on the hands of babies is a year. As soon as the little one begins to walk independently, he does not need additional means of transportation in the form of parental hands. But what to do before the first birthday of the crumbs? You just need to consider some of the features of babies at this age.
Why can a baby ask for pens?
The only and understandable reaction of the mother to the crying of her tiny baby will be the desire to take the baby in her arms and try to calm her down. A woman who recently became a mother for the first time will not be able to recognize the nature of the crying baby, which is why he was upset.
And the reasons can be very different:
- the baby has wet diapers;
- he is cold or, conversely, he is very hot;
- he is lonely and bored, lacking in impressions;
- the baby wants to eat;
- the baby is tired or overexcited and cannot fall asleep;
- he suffers from colic, he falls ill.
Later, after a few months, the parents will be tormented by the question: they taught the child to hand - what to do? In the meantime, mom quickly picks up the baby in her arms, trying to understand that he is so worried about what he needs at the moment. The very second that the baby was in his mother’s arms, he feels her love, care, he is very comfortable and he calms down. Now it becomes clear to mom, because of which her baby was crying, and she will eliminate the cause of his tears - she will change clothes, feed, warm ...
The baby’s desire to constantly feel mom’s warmth can be explained very simply: for nine months he did not part with her, they were one, and now, when the baby is worried about something, he is trying to find protection from his own person.
Briefly about the problem
As much as possible about the existence of such a problem and how to deal with it, the famous pediatrician doctor Yevgeny Komarovsky can tell.
At first, the newborn continues to be "on the same wavelength" with his mother. Yes, now there is no connecting cord between them, they are separated, but only physically. There is still a psychological dependence between them. It is in the baby that she is most expressed. Therefore, one should not be surprised that the peanut, who is not very well oriented in his new world, needs tactile contact with his mother. From the outside it looks like this: the baby was worried - his mother took him in his arms, the baby felt her presence, heard a voice, recognized his native smell and calmed down.
This is exactly what many mothers have been using since their first independent days.
Little tricks
As soon as the baby makes at least a sound while lying in his crib, mother is already in a hurry to him and picks him up, if he has colic, mother again grabs him. In a very short time, the baby understands that getting a mom “under the barrel” is very simple: just cry or sniff. But for up to two months, babies do not know how to abuse confidence, and if they really asked for it, then they really need it.
Everything changes by the age of three months. Colic gradually subsides, they appear less and less. Moms no longer need to run up to the baby every minute, but they still do it out of habit. And the kids really like it all.
This is exactly the age when you can start talking about spoiling. Now there is no need to ask: how to understand that a child is accustomed to hands. Everything becomes clear already. The further the parents pull with weaning from the hands, the more difficult it will be for them to do it.
Falling asleep and motion sickness
So how not to accustom a child to the hands? The first time after the birth of the baby is interested in his new world. And let him be only in his room. But it’s very convenient - Mom picks up her hands, and the toddler points with his finger where he wants to “go” further. Sometimes it’s even useful to give him this opportunity, because when the baby learns to crawl, he will climb even where he doesn’t need to.
The greatest difficulty will be falling asleep. It is at this moment that the mother is able to lose her last strength, especially if she needs to rock the baby at night. To facilitate my mother’s “work”, you can use the crib, which has a pendulum mechanism.
It also happens that after the baby is fed, he needs motion sickness. And he doesn’t like it when mom tries to remove him from her chest. It will be right to do this: mom can simply lie with him or even stand, holding the crumbs in her arms. Only in no case do not walk and do not wiggle it. A child from childhood must understand that mother and motion sickness are not the same thing.
Stay close while wearing
If a child is accustomed to hands, how to wean him from this? When the baby becomes tame, and the parents try to change the situation, you can gradually, slowly, replace the carrying on your hands with a stay with a baby. Quite often, the desire to stay in my mother's arms, in her arms, is caused by ordinary fear: my mother left. For a baby who was born just three or four months ago, not seeing her mother, even if she went out into the next room, is an alarming signal. For him, this means that Mom has gone very far, it is not known when she will return and whether she will return at all. It is better to read books to him, sing a song or even do household chores, but being in the field of vision of a little peanut.
"Tame" kids
Why is it impossible to accustom a child to the hands? This question is asked by many mothers, especially young mothers, who are constantly told by older relatives that learning is harmful. The arguments put forward by the old-timers are quite simple: the baby quickly gets used to the fact that, as soon as he requires, he will immediately be picked up. In the future, he will learn to manipulate his parents, and in order to satisfy his whims, he will resort to crying or whims.
The opinion about the dangers of this action is, in principle, justified. Because if the mother reacts too quickly to the vagaries of her children, she will be completely absorbed only by the baby, leaving no time for housekeeping or for a little rest. In addition, it is quite difficult to carry the baby in his arms all the time, especially when he is gaining his kilograms.
How to find the notorious middle ground - to maintain the psychological comfort of a peanut and how not to accustom a child to the hands? Indeed, the issue is important, and parents should come to a common denominator in its decision.
Slings and tactile contacts
Of course, to accustom a child to her hands is a personal matter of every mother. A woman should decide this only for herself, as it will be convenient for her personally. But if mommy has already contributed to the fact that the child is used to his hands, how can wean him now from this? Some effort must be made. Moreover, all actions should be carried out on the basis that unobtrusive tearing of contact with mom will not harm the baby.
If the baby is still very small, then a sling is suitable for weaning. In terms of convenience and functionality, it will not yield to either the hands of your beloved mom or a stroller. The baby will still be close to his mother, feel protected. Mom will be able to go about their business. The main thing is to choose the right size of the sling, then the woman’s back from wearing the baby will not get tired.
It is useful to diversify tactile contacts with the baby. It is not necessary to grab the baby in the first sounds of crying. If, for example, he cries due to the fact that he is uncomfortable, cannot fall asleep, just adjust the diapers, turn the baby over to another barrel, pat on his shoulders and back. Mom can stay close until he calms down and falls asleep.
Variety of impressions
It can be boring for a baby to lie in a crib for a long time, so he just needs new and interesting experiences. How not to accustom a child to hands in this case and at the same time not to give him the opportunity to get bored?
You can purchase hanging toys in a crib or mobile. The sound of music will help (especially if it is a classic in processing), a change in lighting. So that mom can do household chores without being distracted, the little one can be put (or put) in a stroller and taken to other rooms or to the kitchen.
It is possible and even necessary to carry the baby in his arms, especially if he really needs it. Because a balanced and psychologically confident person, he will grow up only if he feels love, care and affection on the part of his parents.
Emotions of parents
If it so happened that the baby was accustomed to hands, what should be done to stop the endless swings?
The famous doctor Komarovsky gives simple advice: for a start, it is parents who should calm down by drinking the tincture of motherwort or valerian, and then, having gathered strength, decide not to pump their little thing anymore.
Useful pauses
Of course, not having received the desired motion sickness, the baby can start screaming - very loudly, without stopping and completely inconsolable. In this case, the mothers start to get scared and try to calm the baby by picking him up. But you can’t do that. We must try to endure. As a rule, only two or three days will be enough for the pean to realize that his cry will not always help to achieve what he wants. True, the process may take a little longer.
So how to wean a child from the hands? Reviews of mothers indicate that you can distract the baby. For example, the toddler is fed, dressed, laid in a crib or playpen. And suddenly he begins to cry, demanding that his mother pick him up. In this case, it is better to give the child a bright interesting toy in their hands or put something very interesting for him next to him. Thus, the baby is distracted and for a while forgets that he tried to get on his mother's hands. Over time, such "pauses" can be done more.
How to wean from the hands of a godasik?
Sometimes it happens that the baby is already a year old, and he is still “tame”. Is it good or bad? Each parent must answer this question for himself. How to wean a child from the hands (the reviews of parents about this are very different) so that this is done correctly and not tragic for the baby? If someone decides that so far everything is in order, then you can leave everything as it is. If someone adheres to the point of view that the child is already big in order to be in his arms, then it is necessary to radically solve this problem.
How to wean a child by the hands per year? In general, this should be done from about eight months of age. Favorite game of hide and seek will give you the opportunity to get used to short partings with mom. First you need to hide for just a few seconds behind an ordinary handkerchief. So the baby will see that mom is in place. Over time, mom can hide behind the door, by the couch, but even in this case, the little one needs to hear his mother's voice. When the baby grows up, the game of hide and seek can be expanded to the limits of different rooms. In this way, the separation time will increase, and separation will not look like separation, but a regular game.
How to replace the notorious "pens"?
Now that the baby is already older, he can still ask for pens. For example, when he woke up. But do not immediately comply with this requirement. Mom can just lie down next to him, kiss on the cheeks and heels, pat on the back.
In a year, kids, basically, already go - some are better, some are worse. They may fall, scratch, or bump. In this case, it is important for every child to be pitied. Even in such a situation, you should not take it on hand if the parents decided to wean the baby from this. You can hug him, feel sorry, sympathize, put him on your lap. Such an alternative will do much more good.