In almost every family, mom and dad quarrel from time to time. Often witnesses to scandals are their children. Many of them, worried about the future of the family, begin to think what to do if their parents swear? The publication will tell you what actions the child needs to take in such situations.
Reasons for Parental Quarrels
To understand what to do if the parents swear among themselves, you must first understand why this is happening. Adults usually quarrel for three reasons:
- Fatigue. When dad and mom work hard, they begin to get very tired. Therefore, parents may have irritability, which leads to conflict. This is usually a temporary condition, and it passes quickly.
- Misunderstanding. When parents live together for a long time, they often have disagreements. They do not want to concede in something to each other, which leads to conflicts. Disagreements can also arise due to a lack of communication between mom and dad. With age, they become less and less common interests, so they spend little time with each other.
- Jealousy. This feeling is manifested in an unwillingness to share your other half with someone. It may arise without reason, but then this is already part of the character.
But what should a child do if parents curse? In such cases, psychologists give children the following recommendations.
Accept feelings
First of all, you need to understand that quarrels in the family are normal. If dad and mom periodically swear, then there is nothing wrong with this, because they may have different views on some things. Conflicts occur in everyone. Even an involuntary witness to a quarrel can be unpleasant, scary, ashamed and just uncomfortable. You need to accept your feelings, recognize them as normal, and not lock yourself in. It is also important to understand that the relationship between mom and dad is only their business and their conflicts do not apply to children. Most parents in a few minutes forget about the quarrel and communicate, as if nothing had happened. Therefore, do not take everything to heart.
Remember your innocence
Most often, the child begins to think about what to do if the parents curse, because he feels his guilt. However, you should not blame yourself if even adults quarrel over who will pick up children from school or watch them at the weekend. Here the problem is not in the child himself, but in the fact that parents cannot agree and plan time.
Keep out
It is clear that the child wants to help with something if the parents swear a lot. What should definitely not be done is to try to intervene in the conflict, and even more so to look for the right and the guilty. In this case, the parents will only reject the child, asking not to go where they are not asking. They can also rashly say harshly unpleasant words to the person who intervened.
Allow parents to cool.
Immediately after a quarrel, you also can’t approach your mom or dad with advice, statements, requests and other things. Usually, after conflicts, people become emotionally restrained, so they can break loose on any person. It’s better to wait until the passions subside and the parents calm down. One takes a few minutes, and another takes an entire day.
Get down to business
Children in adult quarrels are superfluous. In order not to pay attention to them, you need to occupy yourself with something. What if parents swear? You can go to your room to listen to music, read a book, play a computer, surf the Internet, draw, do homework. That is, you need to distract yourself with something.
In order not to hear the conversation of parents, it is better to put on headphones, turn on music or watch a movie. You can go for a walk or go to visit someone. Only this must be warned dad and mom! Personally or by leaving a note in a conspicuous place.
Tell about your feelings
Often, parents begin to feel embarrassed when they find out that their child is uncomfortable when they quarrel. Sometimes this significantly reduces the incidence of future scandals. But you need to talk about feelings carefully! You can not rush in big words, blame anyone, say that you hate parents, and the like. You need to talk to your parents calmly, preferably at a joint dinner. Mom and Dad should already calm down after the conflict. The child should try to convey to them what is unpleasant for them when they quarrel, and he would not want this to happen in his family. Usually, after such a conversation, parents begin to feel guilty and already perceive their child as an adult.
Do not take sides
In a conversation with mom and dad, it is important not to go too far and not get personal. Psychologists say to the children who turn to them something like this: “If your parents are cursing, what should not be done is to take the side of one, even if one of them provokes it.”
It is important to remember that both are always to blame for any scandal. Therefore, you can not try to highlight the good and bad parent. In addition, the child cannot know all the details of their relationship, arrangements and reasoning. Let them understand each other themselves. It is better for children to remain just children who equally respect and love both father and mother.
To support
As a rule, parents are quicker to reconcile if the child encourages and supports them. You need to make it clear that you are already an adult and understand a lot. You can tell mom and dad something like: “Why wind your nerves if it is possible to solve everything peacefully? Moreover, you still make peace! "I love you very much and am very glad that I have such a family!” Parents will understand that their child is right and may behave differently.
Do not tell outsiders about family conflicts
Everything that happens at home should not go beyond it. Therefore, it is better not to tell about family scandals to school friends and other strangers. Otherwise, such revelations can cause jokes, ridicule and unpleasant comments. Secrets can only be shared with those you trust a lot. Ideally, this should be an adult. He will not only listen with understanding, but will also give practical advice.
When do I need help?
Sometimes you just need to tell others about family conflicts. For example, if alcohol is constantly drunk in the house, if parents swear and fight. What should the child do in this case? This should be told as soon as possible to an adult who can take some measures. This may be a grandfather, aunt, teacher or school psychologist. You can dial a helpline for children and chat with specialists. If the situation is critical (there is a threat to life), then you need to call the police and ambulance. It should be understood that there will be certain consequences. The family will be interested in the guardianship authorities, which in very severe cases can deprive mom and dad of parental rights.
What if parents constantly swear?
Of course, in a global sense, children will not be able to make a difference. Adults will not love each other again if they decide to leave. But until the situation has reached such a point, one can try to reconcile the parents and make them quarrel less.
Often disagreements occur due to household trifles. So that mom and dad do not conflict over this, at least part of the responsibilities can be assumed. For example, washing dishes, vacuuming, doing wet cleaning, taking a brother from a kindergarten, and so on.
You can diversify family life by inviting mom and dad to spend time together more often. Entertainment can be any, but necessarily joint, so that parents and children participate. This can be a picnic, going to the cinema, walking, trekking, sports games and much more.
Sometimes mom and dad only need to spend time together. Therefore, from time to time, surprises can be made for them. For example, give theater tickets, a concert, prepare a delicious dinner for them. So they will remember youth and become closer to each other. To prepare surprises, you can connect other close relatives (for example, grandmother or aunt).
Psychologists also advise parents to ask about the period when they were young and they just had children. This will help them remember the best moments of life, how they were in love with each other, expecting the first words and steps of the child, and much more. Perhaps dad and mom will decide to change their behavior so that the family has peace as before.
These general tips can be used when parents often swear. What to do specifically in a particular case depends on the situation. Detailed recommendations for solving the problem can be given by a school psychologist.
The consequences of frequent quarrels
Psychologists often have to tell parents what permanent home scandals lead to. The child begins to stutter, becomes anxious, withdrawn and irritable. He has nightmares, a nervous tic and enuresis. Both a single nervous breakdown and a whole complex can occur. Sometimes outwardly the consequences do not appear. But over time, you may notice that the child shows disrespect to one or both parents. Often children copy behavior patterns, and already in their family, as adults, they constantly scandal. Therefore, parents need to take all measures and take care of their relationships so that they do not affect the children in a negative way.
So, now we know what to do if parents are cursing. The child needs to understand that quarrels are normal, and not to interfere in them. It is better to go about your business and try to escape from the conflict. A child can help mom and dad only indirectly: to perform household chores, to offer to spend time together, to make pleasant surprises. You can never blame yourself for parental quarrels and mention family problems with outsiders. If there is a real threat to life, then it is simply necessary to inform relatives, a teacher or the police about this.