In modern society, it is considered normal to have one or two children. This situation is considered habitual for most people. And few of the women have a question about whether to give birth to a third child, because there is always a good reason not to do this, be it a difficult financial situation, cramped apartment, lack of assistants and others. And the very status of a large family is most often associated with trouble. In our article, we will try to dispel this prevailing stereotype in society, present all the pros and cons of a third pregnancy, and also consider the possible financial costs of a new family member.
Is it worth it to give birth to a third child?
Each mother with special trepidation and anxiety awaits the birth of her first child. This event is one of the most exciting moments in the history of any family, regardless of whether the pregnancy is long-awaited or sudden. But the second most often give birth to the first couple: to have someone to play with and who to rely on in difficult times. In this case, everyone has their own reasons.
But if everything is clear with the first and second baby, the question of whether to give birth to a third child is raised extremely rarely in average families. Women who nevertheless decided to take this step do not regret the birth of another baby. They did not miss their last chance to feel the joy of motherhood again: to see the first smile, help the baby take the first steps and hear the long-awaited words. And this is not all the benefits that can be expected from the birth of a third baby.
Pluses of the third pregnancy
To make it easier for parents of two children to decide whether to give birth to a third child, they should be aware of the following benefits:
- Children in large families grow up more open, sociable and friendly. From early childhood, they learn to find compromises, chew on each other, defend their point of view, make friends.
- The family life of a child from a large family develops more successfully, since he already has an idea of the family on the example of his mom and dad.
- With the birth of the third baby, the psychological stability of the mother increases. The woman will no longer be unbalanced by crying and will not bring another cold to despair. A mother with many children makes decisions faster on whether to get vaccinated, at what age to send to kindergarten and others. Yes, and with senior assistants to raise a baby is much easier than the firstborn.
- The third child is the second youth. The baby requires additional energy, activity and strength. Even with the calmest newborn baby, parents do not have to think about old age.
- The appearance of a third child in the family is another reason to change the apartment or car for something more spacious.
Cons of a new pregnancy
In order to make the decision whether to give birth to a third child, it is necessary to weigh not only the advantages, but also the disadvantages of the planned event:
- Financial difficulties. The main reason young families postpone their third pregnancy indefinitely is a lack of funds. Not only is the child today an expensive pleasure, but also mom, at least until kindergarten, must sit on maternity leave.
- Physical fatigue. If the age difference in children is small, then to cope with them without assistants will be very difficult. For this reason, some women have neuroses. Close relatives can help rectify the situation, ready to come to the aid of their mother, or a nanny (if finances allow her to be hired for older children or, on the contrary, for a baby).
- Jealousy. The youngest child in the family requires special attention from mom and dad. It is important to be able to explain this to older children in order to avoid jealousy on their part.
- Living conditions. The specified reason is closely intertwined with the first. If the financial situation allows, then the old apartment can always be exchanged for a new one. If there is not much money, then the children will have to make a little room in one room.
- Career growth. For at least a couple of years, mom will have to forget about returning to work, which means that no career advancement is expected.
In anticipation of the third - how to prepare seniors?
Under certain circumstances, even a mother needs time to tune in to the upcoming changes in the family. And there is no need to talk about older children. Regardless of age, they should be prepared for the future replenishment, because with the birth of a brother or sister, life can change dramatically.
First of all, you should transfer the youngest child to the room of the older one and synchronize their daily regimen so that their waking and sleeping times coincide. This can be quite difficult, especially if the difference between the children is large, but worth the effort. Older children should grow up in friendship and know that they are not competitors, but allies. Then they will perceive the new, younger member of the family with joy.
Features of parenting
Psychologists and sociologists confirm that children in large families grow up more friendly, attentive and confident in comparison with peers. To a much lesser extent, such character traits as laziness, selfishness and narcissism are inherent. But in order to grow a worthy person, it is important to be able to avoid the following mistakes in education:
- Do not shift responsibility for the younger members of the family to the elder, depriving him thereby of children's joys;
- not try to make a nanny out of an older child, so as not to cause him to dislike his brother in the future;
- It is important that each child in the family has plenty of parental care and affection.
If even before the birth of the third baby, the mother cannot cope with two children, and the atmosphere in the family is not quite friendly and favorable, then after the birth of another crumb, the situation will only turn for the worse. Therefore, the question of whether or not to give birth must be approached with all seriousness.
Financial expenses
Many women are afraid that with the birth of a third child, their costs will increase. Of course, material costs are expected in any case, but not so large that they had to abandon the thought of the baby. The thrifty mother, no doubt, left small things from older children. As you know, babies grow very quickly, so clothes, as a rule, do not have time to wear out.
In addition to things, the house certainly preserved toys, children's books, a stroller and a crib. And if you teach the senior thrift, then these same things can be passed on further by inheritance. Well, so that there is no doubt whether to give birth to a third child, you need to prepare in advance and study all the principles of breastfeeding. Then you don’t have to spend money on mixtures, and the main expense item will be diapers.
State support
Families with three or more children have certain benefits and advantages:
- payment of maternity capital for a third child, if he was not taken at the birth of the second;
- subsidies for housing and communal services in the amount of up to 50% of their value;
- the right to free travel in municipal transport;
- the right to free ownership of additional land;
- the issuance by banks of mortgage and consumer loans on more favorable terms;
- increase in annual paid leave from 24 to 36 days;
- reduction in retirement age (for mothers with many children);
- tax breaks on income tax;
- one-time payments by the beginning of the school year and others.
For many parents, the above payments and benefits are a decisive factor in the question of whether to give birth to a third child.
The health status of the expectant mother
According to the general trend, the third pregnancy usually proceeds favorably. A woman most often manages to avoid the toxicosis characteristic of her position. But do not forget that every organism is individual. Therefore, if there are chronic diseases in the anamnesis, then the decision about whether to give birth to a third child is best taken with a family doctor.
Subsequent pregnancies increase the risks of developing the following diseases and unpleasant symptoms:
- Iron-deficiency anemia;
- phlebeurysm;
- overstretching of the muscles of the anterior abdominal wall;
- increased load and pain in the lower back and sacrum;
- pelvic floor muscle failure.
Of course, the third birth is not an easy test. But having the experience of bearing the first and second babies, the woman will easily pass the test of childbirth and will be able to recover faster in the postpartum period.
Should I give birth to a third child at 40?
Pregnancy at this age is not a common occurrence. In addition, it can differ significantly from the first. Doctors are pretty biased towards women who decided to give birth after 40 years. And there is an explanation for this. The fact is that by the age of forty a person already has a certain burden of chronic diseases that can negatively affect the condition of the baby. But despite this, in recent years, more and more women at this age have been asking themselves: "Should I give birth to a third child?" The benefits of pregnancy at 40 are as follows:
- conscious approach to planning and raising a child;
- lack of postpartum psychological crisis;
- hormonal shake and body rejuvenation after childbirth.
Among the main disadvantages of pregnancy in adulthood, it is worth noting a high risk of miscarriage (up to 50%) and premature birth. But the opinion that children are ashamed of their elderly parents is a myth. Therefore, if a woman’s health allows, then you can safely give birth to a third child even after 40.
Reviews of experienced mothers
Most women find it difficult to decide whether to give birth to a third child. According to reviews, one has to weigh the pros and cons before deciding on a new pregnancy. The main disadvantage of the third birth is the woman’s financial situation in the family. But the advantages, in their opinion, are much greater:
- children grow up in society, they have fun together, they become real friends;
- with only three children, the family, according to some, can be considered complete;
- with the correct organization of the daily routine in the decree, older children manage to devote enough time.
In general, if the financial situation is stable, and the situation in the family is good, then you can give birth to a third child without hesitation. No mother has yet regretted her decision regarding the birth of yet another crumb.