Aggressive child: reasons, recommendations to parents, psychological advice

In psychology, aggression is understood as a purposeful destructive behavior with the aim of causing harm to another living being. This is a special state of the psyche, while aggressiveness refers to a character trait, a tendency to react to everything with irritation and anger.

The effect of anger and irritation

An aggressive child can be called the baby who is internally disadvantaged. He is filled with negative feelings, and his irritability and anger are just inadequate methods of psychological defense.

Aggression has a negative impact on the life of the baby, its development. He begins to conflict with other children and adults, often annoyed, upset. At the same time, the physical and oral manifestations of anger are just the “tip of the iceberg”. A destructive attitude has a tremendous effect on the child, which consists in the fact that problems can be solved by manifesting aggression, and that everyone around him is an enemy. A kid who does not know other ways of behavior gets into a vicious circle. His aggression provokes a response of anger, and vice versa.

In children, such manifestations have various causes. In many cases, they are completely logical. Before sounding the alarm, forbidding the baby to show their feelings, parents need to understand the factors that led to the emergence of such reactions.

Is aggression necessary?

Aggression is an integral part of human existence. You should not stigmatize and scold the child just for the fact that he shows his overwhelming feelings, to demand angelic behavior from him. Indeed, destruction permeates all spheres of human existence - and children are no exception. Any action in one way or another begins with the destruction of the old. For example, in order to mold a figure made of plasticine, the baby tears off a piece of mass, kneads it in his hands. Philosophers, before coming up with new ideas, first process the old ones in the mind. And also a really aggressive act is eating food.

Manifestations

When the baby has not yet mastered the basic means of communication, anger can be regarded as a completely normal reaction. Young children can scream and push those with whom they cannot agree. However, when the baby masters the speech, such a pattern of behavior becomes unjustified. Why beat someone with whom you can agree on words?

Often, aggressive behavior can occur even among those children who seem outwardly completely calm, not different from other peers. Children's psychiatrist Elisey Osin identifies the following signs of pathological aggression:

• Constancy. The child shows an aggressive reaction in a number of different situations for a long time.
• Dangerous forms. Kicking, property damage, arson, autoaggression.
• Social maladaptation. The child loses friends, the trust of parents and teachers.

How does a child live in a state of aggression?

However, children who have an increased level of irritability seriously suffer from this. Anger is needed only when it is justified. For example, if you need to drive away a bully, protect your brother or sister. Aggressive child is one who is constantly shunned and disliked, rejected and afraid. Teachers and educators do not like these children because they spoil their classes. Their most frequent reaction is sitting at the back desk, sticking the label of a quartet, a badass. But such measures lead to even greater maladaptation, increase the feeling of loneliness. Over the years, the situation only worsens.

Parents of classmates do not like these kids, because they teach their own children bad things, set a negative example, prevent them from learning, playing or relaxing. Their reaction also does not bring anything good - these are collective letters with requests to transfer the aggressive child to another class, proceedings with the baby's parents. Thus, a child can wander from one class to another for years without finding a final haven. And when parents are called “to the carpet”, this often ends with the use of force against the child himself. The negative behavior of the baby is only fixed, proves the "correctness" of his chosen strategy.

Peers do not like aggressive children because they often insult them, kick, shout. And most often the reaction of peers is to ignore, rejection. The kid is left alone and isolated.

After wandering for several years, such children gradually stray into groups of their own kind of "bad guys." In such societies, they can find understanding, however, they are increasingly moving away from normal communication, the rules of behavior in society.

However, many babies themselves suffer from their anger. They try to get rid of irritation, make efforts. The life of each of these “bad guys” is not necessarily the search for a potential victim for insults. Like all others, they seek warmth and love, understanding and care. Just because of some features of their nature, they perceive social situations in a different way and cannot cope with their emotional reactions.

A lot of children suffer from such a life. “I don’t understand how this happens, because I didn’t want to upset my mother at all ...”, “They don’t take me to play with the company, let them be”, “They call me bad words, and my heart is compressed inside,” “It only costs then it’s my fault, no one even listens to me ”,“ I don’t want to go to kindergarten, I want to be at home, my favorite dog is here ... ”,“ I tried to count to 10 and breathe evenly, but it doesn’t always help me calm down ” . With approximately these words, the kids describe their condition.

Aggressive child: causes of destructive behavior

As a rule, the causes of anger and irritation in children belong to one of four planes.

• Family. If parents or other relatives allow themselves to behave aggressively, then the child also has an understanding of the permissibility of such behavior. An aggressive child often grows up in a dysfunctional family, where the father beats the mother or the mother herself offends the children , etc.
• Educational institutions. In the process of playing games with other children, the child can adopt certain behaviors: "I am here better than anyone, and therefore everything is possible for me."
• MASS MEDIA. Another of the main causes of aggressive behavior in children, which is often ignored by adults. Often, a child, along with parents or older brothers and sisters, watches TV, where scenes of violence, murders, etc. are shown. Subsequently, children transfer what they have already seen into real life. Parents often do not realize what harm this brings to the baby. Many adults wonder why children became aggressive? In many cases, the answer to this question lies in those television shows that the child watches. Often the danger lies with the Internet.
• Endogenous factors - brain injuries, infections, diseases of the central nervous system. In this case, you can not do without consulting a doctor.

Other factors

Aggressive behavior of children can be caused by a number of conditions:

• When the baby is often beaten, publicly humiliated, put in traumatic situations.
• The child begins to get angry if for some reason he does not feel well, and adults pester him with various tasks.
• Parents do not pay attention.
• The kid copies the behavior of the mother or father (throws things, slams the door, swears).
• A traumatic event (the divorce of mom and dad, the death of a close relative, severe fear, the birth of a brother or sister).
• When adults managed to convince the baby that he was "bad." In an aggressive child, any criticism will cause irritation.

Forms

The baby may be irritated and angry as follows:

• Verbally - screams, insults, threats.
• Physically - to make terrible grimaces, fight, push, bite, break other people's toys.
• Acting stealthily: ignore adults or other children, sneak, provoke peers until no one sees it.

Types of child aggression

If the child has become aggressive, parents need to pay attention to the features of the manifestations of his anger. Indeed, in different cases it is necessary to take completely different measures. Sometimes you can not do without psychotherapy, and sometimes the use of medications is required. A huge mistake is to combine all the manifestations of irritability and anger in children into one problem. Children's psychiatrist Elisey Osin identifies the following main types of child aggression.

• Instrumental. In this case, the child can threaten his peers, and even beat them. The motives for such aggression are by no means the harm as such. A child simply uses bullying in order to take away valuable things or money. Most often, this type of aggression is found among those children who live in dysfunctional families. Medications will not help to get rid of this type of aggression, the best remedy here is psychotherapy for the whole family.
• Impulsive aggression. Even to the most insignificant signal, which seemed to the child something unpleasant, the baby reacts with irritation. This is due to the fact that the child cannot control his emotional impulses. Often this type of irritability occurs in children with ADHD. An overactive aggressive child suffers from the malfunctioning of certain parts of the brain - primarily from the frontal lobes. Punishment will not help him. The most optimal will be a visit to a neurologist, drug therapy. It is also useful to arrange for the child more convenient learning conditions with fewer irritating stimuli coming from outside. For example, a baby can make changes in the library. Most often, aggressive preschool children, as well as younger schoolchildren, suffer from such disorders. Over time, the baby's psyche stabilizes. Although he may be more irritable than his peers, it will be easier for him to control the impulses of aggression with age.
• Aggression as an affect. Most often occurs with mental disorders - for example, BAR (bipolar affective disorder). A distinctive feature of this type of aggression is its suddenness. Peaceful mood can last several days, but then the child as if someone substitutes. He begins to crush and break everything around, cursing, screaming, not obeying. Such babies need both medical treatment and work with a psychologist.
• Aggression expressing fear. In many cases, parents prefer to turn a blind eye to this type of aggression. For example, a child is sent to a children's camp, and from the very first minute there he begins to scream, pound with pens, and behave aggressively. This is due to the fact that the baby feels abandoned. It seems to him that his mother left him forever. Often, aggression associated with fear occurs in children some time after traumatic events. In this case, we are talking about PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) in a child. Fear and anxiety are inherently adaptive reactions, but when they begin to exceed all permissible limits, the child ceases to control himself. Often, such aggression is superimposed on the child's predisposition to anxiety and depression. It helps in this case, working with a psychologist.

Why do such children need help?

Many psychological studies show that if the problems of aggressive children go unnoticed, the situation only worsens over time. The distance between them and normal existence is increasing. Once isolated, it is difficult for them to learn to communicate. The child loses friendly games in which he could hone his social communication skills.

Psychologists' recommendations

If possible, it is necessary to find out at the reception of a psychologist what causes irritation in the baby. This approach will be the most robust and optimal. But since not all parents have the opportunity to visit a specialist in person, consider some useful tips from a psychologist. Aggressive child needs close attention and support of adults, therefore, these recommendations must be taken with all seriousness.

• Adults need to listen to the baby, try to understand it.
• It is also worth remembering: the brutal suppression of aggressive behavior only leads to increased anger.
• It is necessary to be consistent in your reaction to the negative behavior of the baby, but do not be irritated by yourself.
• It is unacceptable to punish a child too often, to order him to suppress his feelings. This will only lead to the fact that he will suppress emotions, and they, in turn, will intensify and go into self-aggression.
• The kid should be aware that mom and dad love him, they are unhappy only with his behavior. This is one of the most important recommendations for parents of an aggressive child. It is necessary to explain to the baby exactly what caused this discontent, to focus on the fact that he himself is loved.
• When the baby is angry for some reason, you need to try not to react to it. After all, he also has the right to anger. However, it is worth explaining to the child that he can behave differently, choose his own reaction.
• It is necessary to control your experiences in the presence of the child, because he absorbs them like a sponge.
• Also, parents should be adequately aware of what and when they can forbid the child, and in which cases he can be ceded.
• Draw the attention of the baby on how people behave in different settings, under different circumstances.
• Avoid watching TV shows and movies with scenes of violence, murders, etc.
• To teach the kid good, empathy.

Directions of psychocorrection

Child psychologists also identify several areas of correctional work with those kids who exhibit aggressive behavior.

• Formation of adequate self-esteem. The kid must understand that he may well be “good”, that he is needed and important for adults and peers. Thus, the positive qualities of the child are reinforced, he is motivated to show his best qualities.
• The study of the fears of the baby. After all, aggression is a way of protection, and by saving the child from anxiety, we rid him of the need to defend himself.
• One of the most important directions in correcting children's aggressive behavior is teaching the baby how to express anger in an acceptable form, and developing new models of behavior.
• The formation of trust in others, the ability to demonstrate love and sympathy. The baby should be trained in compassion through the example of adults.

Aggressive child: what should parents do?

It will also be useful for parents and other adults to use the following advice from psychologists.

• Love and accept the child as it is. After all, aggression is a temporary difficulty that you will surely cope with.
• Communicate with the baby as much as possible, hug him. The kid should know that they love him and believe in him.
• Working with aggressive children involves increasing the self-esteem of babies. Therefore, it is necessary to focus on the positive aspects of the character of the child. Praise him for success as often as possible. If it is necessary to scold - it is necessary to condemn the act itself, but not the baby.
• Closely monitor your own behavior, do not allow yourself to succumb to anger and irritation.
• At that moment when the mother or father themselves are upset, they can inform the baby about this and show by their own example how to cope with irritation.
• Child psychologists recommend communicating with the baby calmly and quietly.
• In moments of anger and irritation, do not touch the child.
• When the baby is angry with the parent, he can take him to his room and say that he can return when he calms down.
• After the emotions of the child have calmed down, you need to calmly talk to him. You can keep calm for an adult if you remember that in front of him is his beloved child, and not an aggressive child. What to do if the emotions of the mother or father hit over the edge? At this point, it’s better not to show your anger. First, it is advisable to cope with your experiences (for example, using the skills of self-regulation with the help of breathing), and only then communicate with the baby.
• Explain to the baby the limiting points, referring to him from the 1st person. For example: "I can’t give you ice cream right now," "I can’t give you a doll, she needs a rest," etc.
• It is also important to help the baby voice his wishes. From time to time ask him a question: “What do you want?”. Depending on the situation, either allow or explain why this is not available now. Through permissions and agreements, the child must understand that the adult plays the main role, it is he who gives the guidelines.
• Allow the baby to talk about what he does not want, expressing understanding and support.
• In the process of communicating with aggressive children, it is useful to come up with a fairy tale about an evil little animal, which realized that being aggressive is harmful and bad.
• After school or kindergarten, give the baby the opportunity to be naughty for 10-15 minutes, throw out irritation and anger. For example, beat the pillow with your hands.
• To ask a child for something, and to teach him to ask others. Requirements should not be frequent, but it is necessary that they be weighty and capacious.
• An hour before bedtime, you can try drinking half a glass of milk or herbal infusion if the child is not allergic to these products. It is also useful to discuss the events of the past day in a positive way.

Aggression is a force that is inherent in all life on earth. It is necessary for the implementation of the urgent needs of the body and is an excitement aimed at satisfying certain desires. When good and understanding adults are near the baby, getting rid of aggression will not be difficult. Only in this case, the child will not be perceived as an evil criminal.