The child kicks in the next seat, laughs or sings loudly, makes tantrums in the store, collecting condemning looks. In the kindergarten, they complain that he beats other boys, takes away toys from kids or pulls girls for tails. Or maybe the baby, on the contrary, does not play with anyone and silently waits for his mother at the window, without being distracted by games and activities? What behavior of children is considered the norm and where are its boundaries?
Innate curiosity
Every young (or maybe not quite young) woman or girl walking past a child who threw a tantrum near the cash register, with Kinder in her hands, at least once in her life, but thought: “Mine will never do that.”
And here he is born - the long-awaited and beloved baby, and the newly minted mother is immersed in all the difficulties, charms and joys of motherhood. Somehow, it suddenly and very quickly turns out that she does not have a peacefully snoozing angel in her arms, lighting everything around with her charming smile.
In the first months, mom copes with colic, postpartum depression and a new role - someone is worse, someone is better. The child is growing, physical problems, it would seem, are already behind, but difficulties of a completely different nature come in their place.
It all starts quite innocently - by the age of 4-5 the baby emerges from his blessed drowsy bliss and notices the world around him. Curiosity keeps him awake and eating. Just grab a bottle or chest, and then immediately distracted by the signal of the car outside the window or a bright spot on the wallpaper, dozes off in the stroller and hears croaking crows.
Motor skills do not give rest - by the age of six months it becomes difficult for mother to change clothes for a baby who strives to roll over, reach out for something or crawl somewhere.
Awareness or instincts?
Until about a year and a half, the behavior of children is controlled by innate instincts and curiosity. Requiring a baby to stop crying, accuse him of manipulation, persuade a one-and-a-half-year-old child to share a mold or convince him that dragging a cat by the tail is not a good idea, very resource-intensive and practically useless.
No matter how much you appeal to conscience, the baby will turn over all the boxes that it can reach upside down and pour sand on the opponent’s head in the sandbox. Fighting this is useless, and it’s best to just adjust - remove everything dangerous above, put plastic utensils or toys in the lower shelves, and distract the little bucket with a swing and a slide in the street.
By about one and a half to two years, the baby has some awareness. He is still not able to cope with his desires or fatigue, but he can quite fulfill elementary requests like "bring a glass" or "do not tap this boy on the head with a shovel." Old methods are being replaced by new ones - persuasion and conversation.
Early preschool age
Up to three years, children are still impulsive and practically have no willpower, therefore it is at least premature to talk about the upbringing or deliberation of their actions.
Three years is a peak, difficult transition, characterized by a sharp deterioration in children's behavior. In the arena of consciousness of a little man, up to this point not separating himself from his mother, his own "I" is entering.
The child is sharply aware that his desires can and very often do not coincide with the desires of the adults around him. Clinging to this thought, a small person begins to defend his individuality in all possible ways - he does everything and always in defiance.
The crisis of three years
The crisis of three years overtakes someone later, someone earlier, but you can’t do without it at all - this is an important period of final separation from the mother and understanding of oneself.
It cannot be argued that children certainly want to annoy or upset their parents. The defense of one's “I” and the boundaries of one’s freedom takes place rather unconsciously. And during this period, parents will have to give the reins of government in some areas, whether brushing their teeth, putting food on a plate or dressing in a kindergarten, the child, close their eyes and exhale.
The crisis of three years is considered the most complex and provocative deterioration in the behavior of preschool children. Providing the child with a conditional choice when the baby is asked to choose, for example, between kohlrabi and broccoli, or when the mother asks: "Will you brush your teeth after washing, or before?" This minimizes resistance, as it gives a sense of self-worth and the ability to make choices.
Senior preschool age
By about the age of 4, everything will fall into its track, parents will get used to the loss of a monopoly on the life of the baby, the child will improve and try on his new skills and freedoms until the preschooler realizes that his freedom is ending somewhere. It is at 4 years old that a new round in the development of the child begins, which can last up to 5-6 years.
At first, the baby, intoxicated by his own independence and freedom of choice, with a sufficiently flexible and understanding behavior of his parents, does not feel the trick. Until he suddenly realizes that between the case he comes across certain boundaries. “And why, in fact, broccoli or kohlrabi?” He asks, “Why not sweets?”
From this moment, an active study of the boundaries of what is permitted begins with constant attempts to expand them. It is not surprising that at this age the social behavior of children worsens significantly. Moreover, it can be completely uneven. For example, in a garden where acceptable standards of behavior are clearly defined and unchanged, a child can behave well, and at home, where mom permits what the father forbade, chaos will occur.
Junior schoolboy
Over time, the child gains experience, his vocabulary expands, and communication skills improve. By around the age of 5-6, a preschooler understands that not everything is not always solved with his fists, and learns to communicate in other ways.
Along with the ability to negotiate, the child develops such a quality as cunning. Sooner or later, first-graders or senior preschool children begin to cunning, evade answers. This is not always a lie in the full sense of the word.
Some of the children lure sweets or toys from the younger ones with promises, someone encourages others to be friends against someone. At the age of 6-7 years, it is advisable to minimize punishment, since they provoke only insult and aggression. At this time, the main thing is the conversation.
Kids at this age respond well to all kinds of instructive stories, try on the images of heroes of books and cartoons. First graders still love to discuss and discuss all the moments of their lives, you should use this openness to speak out undesirable or unacceptable moments in their behavior.
Street and school
The behavior of children in school is often different from behavior on the street or at home. Here, not only the framework set by the educational institution, but also the personality of the teacher play a huge role. The more attractive the teacher is to the child, the fairer he thinks it is, the better it will behave.
Often, it is at school age that people encounter aggressive child behavior. Here people are divided into two camps: the victims ("Well do something with him!") And the culprits ("What will I do with him, he does not listen at all").
Correction of children's behavior is the responsibility of psychologists or social educators. Parents should remember that aggression, as a rule, does not arise from scratch, it is a reflection of a lack of love.
Aggressive child with his behavior as if makes it clear to adults around him that he needs additional support, support and attention.
Crisis and calm
The development of children's behavior is characterized by leaps: after a crisis there always comes a period of rest, during which tension gradually builds up and spills into another crisis. At the time of each age crisis, parents should release the reins a bit and provide the child with a new field of independence and responsibility.
You should know that the desire to simply crush a child at a crisis age will only lead to new outbreaks of aggression and misunderstanding. An adult should be smart, understanding and resourceful to help the child get out of difficult age and grow up a little.
Six childhood crises - steps on the path to adulthood
Psychologists identify only six major childhood crises, characterized by a significant deterioration in children's behavior. Despite the indicated age, all crises are extremely arbitrary and may deviate for several months or even years from the indicated figures.
- The crisis of the newborn. The first few months are one of the most difficult in the life of a small person who goes from intrauterine to independent existence.
- The crisis of one year. The kid grew up and learned to walk. For the first time, he begins to separate himself from his mother and listen to his desires. At this age, children respond with extreme negativity to any prohibitions by an adult.
- The crisis of three years. One of the most difficult periods in the life of a small person. It is manifested by extreme negativity, a protest against the rules of adults, independence, obstinacy and obstinacy.
- The crisis is seven years old. The child loses its childish immediacy and naivety, seeks to obtain an external assessment and social contacts. The seven-year-olds are characterized by pretentiousness and mannerisms of behavior, outbreaks of inexplicable aggression.
- Teenage crisis. Usually begins in the region of 13 years and is associated with hormonal changes occurring in the body of the child. Adolescents are characterized by emotional instability, a desire for emancipation and conflicts with surrounding adults.
- The crisis of youth overtakes children aged 17-18, when hormonal storms are already behind. A person seeks to finally separate from his parents, but at the same time experiences increased anxiety and nervousness, often aggressively reacts to any help or advice.
Child as a reflection of family culture
"Do not raise children. Anyway, they will be like you. Educate yourself," says one wise English proverb.
The culture of the child’s behavior fully reflects the culture of family relations and relations between adults. Children brought up in families where open relationships reign, where everyone is always ready for dialogue and compromise, as a rule, is more flexible and loyal than their peers brought up in an atmosphere of rigor and obedience.
Every adult in any life situation (in a car, theater, movie, queue, traffic jam, store), communicating with strangers or unpleasant people, must remember that the children do not listen to him, but carefully watch him. And through these observations, they absorb and assimilate certain patterns of behavior and reaction.
Poor Child Behavior: Prevention
As they say, any disease is better to prevent than to treat. So it is with children's crises, although it is impossible to prevent them, it is better to approach prepared ones.
One of the main conditions is the creation of a friendly, open atmosphere at home, the willingness to understand the child and help him, no matter what life situation he is in.
The second condition is sufficient, high-quality communication with children. It is vital for the child to be nourished from adults with energy, their love, affection. It is important not just to listen half-heartedly to how his day went or what he learned at school. It is important to take part in this, discuss, ask around, and be silent for some time, give a chance to speak out or advise something by chance. And only then the problem of bad behavior will forever remain in the past, and crises will pass unnoticed.