Many adolescents during periods of rebellion and youthful maximalism are called difficult children. This term is not entirely correct, because teenagers often have such uneasy behavior that is temporary, everything is explained by a riot of hormones that force young people to react very sharply to the surrounding reality. However, if the family has a difficult child, this manifests itself much earlier. Problems with the upbringing of such children become urgent at a very early age. How to live with a difficult child without harming anyone's psyche?
First, let's define the terminology. Toddlers and older children, whose personality needs, according to experts, to be adjusted, are called difficult children in psychology. This is by no means a diagnosis or a sentence. Such a definition should be considered as a personality trait, especially since the manifestations of “difficulty” can be very different. In some children, it results in excessive anxiety and aggressiveness. Others develop a disobedience strategy to spite their parents. In the third, it can even be expressed in destructive behavior, and often quite unconscious.
Why?
The reason for this feature of the personality of the child lies, sadly, in the family itself, where it grows. That is why it is often called difficult children come from orphanages. After all, the environment in which they grow contributes to the incorrect formation of the psyche, habits and behavior. However, sometimes such a child can grow up in a complete, safe-looking family. The reason why children become "difficult" is the microclimate. Perhaps the family practices quarrels between parents, assault, a tense atmosphere. Or, perhaps, the desires and needs of the child for some reason remain unheard of by his father and mother.
Then “difficult” behavior is a way to attract attention. And a very small percentage of children are considered as such due to congenital or acquired problems with the nervous system. However, even with this personality trait, a baby can grow up to be a developed and integrated person in society.
What is work with difficult children by parents?
First, if you want to change the current state of things, start by looking for the cause and its elimination, or at least mitigating it. As soon as the child ceases to be under the constant influence of pressure due to conflicts in the family, he will be able to review his behavior and learn to behave correctly on his own. Secondly, do not scold children. Do not make too many bans. The strategy of connivance towards the child is fruitful if everything is within reason. That is, actions that obviously lead to a danger to the life and health of the child should be limited.
However, not a simple ban, but a detailed and calm explanation of why this is not worth doing. But disobedience and whims leave as is. At first, the child will be surprised at such permission to do everything. And then, when you get used to the fact that it is not limited by prohibitions, firstly, those actions that are carried out in spite of parental requirements will disappear, and secondly, you can begin the second step of education.
Next stage
The second step is to communicate with difficult children. That is, you need to talk with any child. And difficult children require a lot more communication. They need to pronounce every situation in which they behaved incorrectly. And at the same time, you need to talk about her so as not to slip into the accusation of the baby in what he did. We must talk about the consequences of his act and its negative impact on the world around him. Then the child will be able to understand that his actions caused someone or something pain, trouble and inconvenience, but the guilt complex will not work. Well, and most importantly, what you need when dealing with difficult children is patience and unlimited love on the part of parents.