Children's tantrums can unbalance even the most patient parent. At the time of extreme nervous excitement, the child ceases to adequately respond to what is happening around him. He cries, screams loudly, rolls on the floor, waves his arms and legs, bites others and even bangs his head against the wall. At this point, it is useless to contact the child with requests to stop the tantrum. From this he will scream even harder, realizing that his behavior will sooner or later be able to achieve the desired. About why this happens and what to do if the child is hysterical, in detail in the article. Be sure to share the opinion of an authoritative pediatrician, Dr. Komarovsky, and talk about what psychologists think about this problem.
Why is the child hysterical?
As the baby grows up, certain desires appear that do not always coincide with what the older family members want for him. If the child continues to insist on his own, and the parents continue to forbid, the first premise for hysteria arises. At this stage, the baby experiences rage, anger, despair. As a result, his nervous system does not stand up, gives a malfunction, requires a reboot - and now in a minute the child is hysterical. With the help of a heart-rending cry and tears, he gives vent to emotions overwhelming him.
Any tantrum has the prerequisites that provoke this behavior of the child. The following main reasons why children will be worn out can be identified:
- inability to express dissatisfaction with words;
- attraction of attention to oneself;
- family conflicts;
- changes in the usual way of life;
- desire to obtain the desired subject;
- overwork, hunger;
- lack of sleep;
- poor health, weakness of the body during or after an illness;
- desire to manipulate adults and act like them;
- excessive strictness and hyper-custody of parents;
- mistakes in education;
- fuzzy system of rewards and punishments for the baby;
- separation of crumbs from an interesting occupation;
- imbalance in the nervous system of the child.
From the list above, you can see how many prerequisites the baby has for hysteria. But the nervous system of the child is still too weak to properly respond to all the events that occur with the crumbs throughout the day. Tantrums are found in 80% of children under the age of 6 years, and in half of them, seizures are regular. Most often, as the child grows older, they pass by themselves, as unexpectedly as they appeared. But in any case, this problem cannot be completely ignored.
Can tantrum be prevented?
Many parents know from their own experience that stopping an onset of an attack is no less difficult than stopping a train moving at full speed. But still, if the child is just about to throw a tantrum, you can still try to prevent it using the following methods:
- Adhere to such a schedule and daily routine in which the child feels as calm and comfortable as possible. If possible, give the baby a good night's sleep in the morning, do not force-feed, provide moderate exercise and daily walks in the fresh air.
- To give the child the opportunity to say no if this does not entail dangerous consequences and does not infringe on the interests of other people. This will allow him to learn to be responsible for his actions.
- Give your child the opportunity to safely express their anger. He can beat an inflatable ball with his hands, scream, jump in place. This will relieve emotional stress and prevent a fit of tantrum.
- Do not scold the child for shouting, running or jumping. Do not try to seat him in place and make him calm down. The child teaches to cope with their own emotions, which not all adults can do.
- Beat the current situation. In role-playing games, the child can reveal the cause of his tantrum, and the mother will be able to better understand it and help cope with nervous excitement.
Ways to Stop the Tantrum
Children who fall to the floor right in the supermarket scream heartily and beat with their hands, cause a mixed reaction among passers-by. One wants to pick them up and spank, while others only lament how the child is poorly raised. Mom at this moment is ready to fall through the ground. In fact, you don’t need to be shy at all. This is a very common situation and the problem that it is customary to talk about with child psychologists, psychiatrists and neurologists today.
Meanwhile, when the baby is hysterical, mom can do the following:
- Do not press on the baby and do not scold him. Studies have shown that tantrums cannot be stopped. It is better to just be silent in this situation and wait until the baby calms down on its own.
- Make the space around the child safe. Mom should remove stitching, cutting and heavy objects away from the baby or even transfer it to another place. During a tantrum, the child does not control his actions, so he can easily harm himself.
- Limit the circle of outsiders surrounding the child at the time of hysteria. First of all, you should ask those people who intimidate the baby to leave, for example, by the arrival of a policeman who can take away the crumbs from the mother.
- Pity the child when the fit of hysteria stops. Just to encourage this behavior by buying chocolates or ice cream is definitely not worth it.
- After some time, discuss the situation with the crumbs. Mom herself must explain to the child why he had a tantrum, for example, due to the fact that he did not buy a machine and stuff. The kid may not even be aware of the reason why at that moment he began to scream, cry and demand.
A mother whose child is hysterical for any reason should develop a certain model of behavior and adhere to it until the baby stops such attacks. Psychologists have developed a whole system of restrictions on how you do not need to act when the baby cries a lot.
How to behave and what to do if the child is hysterical?
It is quite natural to feel resentment against a child who threw a tantrum right in a public place. But this is not a reason to break your anger on a kid who is already not easy. But how to react to hysteria? Experts advise:
- The best option for mother’s behavior in a situation where the child does not obey and is hysterical is to silently wait out, endure an attack.
- If you can’t cope with your emotions, it is better to step aside, step aside to calm down and not break loose on the kid when he is already ill.
- Try to get away from the tantrum. It is better to think about something else at this moment. No need to take tantrums too close to the heart. A child may begin to cry even more if she sees panic, anger or anxiety on her mother’s face.
- Do not try to stop the tantrum with screams, disputes, punishment. To begin with, the child must calm down.
- Patience and confidence in the correctness of his action. If the beginning of the tantrum is due to the fact that the mother did not buy something for the child, then in her decision she must go to the end. It is important to stop attempts to manipulate parents in early childhood.
Tantrums at night
Crying at night is a frequent guest in families where a child lives from 1 to 5 years old. Experts believe that such tantrums do not need treatment. By about 7 years they pass without a trace. But the parents of the kids should know that usually the child hysteria at night from 1 to 3 times for 5-30 minutes.
There are several reasons for this behavior:
- increased fatigue of the baby, confirmed by an appropriate diagnosis;
- excessive emotionality and sensitivity of the child;
- stress:
- a large number of impressions received the day before.
If a child visited the circus, the zoo, and the planetarium over one weekend, then he is likely to be hysterical at night. This is explained by the fact that during this period his nervous system is in a state of strong excitement.
How to deal with night hysteria:
- Do not leave the child at this moment alone. It is important to approach him as soon as he cries.
- Hug the baby and stay with him until the tantrum stops.
- Gently pat the baby on the head, shake in his arms, let him calm down. After this, the baby should be returned to his bed.
No need to translate night tantrums into the category of pleasant pastimes. Otherwise, the baby will specially wake up in order to spend the rest of the night in the parent's bed or just chat with mom. Well, in order to reduce night tantrums to zero, it is necessary to observe the daily routine, exclude watching TV on the night before, spend enough time with the child during the day.
How to explain tantrums in 1 year?
A one-year-old child feels old enough to dictate his conditions to his parents. He is overwhelmed with emotions, he wants to have everything at once, to reach unprecedented heights and get what was forbidden until recently. Here are just the part of the brain that is responsible for self-control in 1 year is still not sufficiently developed. Therefore, any mother’s prohibition on one or another of his actions is perceived with tears in her eyes. This is the first reason why the child is hysterical in a year.
There may be other reasons for this behavior:
- poor vocabulary that does not allow the child to express his wishes and needs verbally;
- an overabundance of information obtained as a result of going on a visit, traveling and other things;
- desire to separate from your mother;
- the need for tactile sensations that the baby does not receive from the person closest to him.
How to react to the fact that the child is constantly hysterical in a year:
- Take away from the place of irritation. We are talking about a situation when a hysterics overtook a child in a public place, supermarket, cafe and more.
- Do not respond to the baby for a while, leaving him alone with himself.
- If the child is still able to perceive the information coming from the mother, you can try to switch his attention to something else, to distract.
During a tantrum, you cannot physically punish a child, order him to shut up, or shame him for tears. Mom should try to understand the baby, help him cope with negative emotions and accept him for who he is.
Causes of poor behavior in 2-3 years
The two-year-old kid has already quite well understood the meaning of the words "no", "I do not want" and "I will not." At this age, he begins to express his protest in everything, to deny any actions. By his behavior, the baby sometimes leads his parents into a stupor: yesterday he was such an obedient child, and today he refuses everything that his mother offers him. When a child of 2 years is hysterical, one should not follow his lead and satisfy his whims. But physical punishment in this situation is also inappropriate. The baby needs time to calm down without persuasion, threats and screams. But leave it alone in the room is not worth it. At this age, the child is very much attached to his mother and her care can further injure his weak nervous system. The best option is not to interfere with the tantrum, but to be in the field of vision of the baby.
The situation when a two year old child hysteria before bedtime is also not uncommon. At this age, some children already give up daytime sleep, but their nervous system does not withstand such a load. It is important not to forget to observe the daily routine and ensure a good rest during the day.
Three years of age is considered critical in many ways. The child learns to defend his opinion in front of adults. During this period, he is extremely stubborn and categorical. If mom asks him to take off his outer clothing, he does the opposite. With a further manifestation of perseverance, the child begins a tantrum. The methods described above in the article will help to cope with it.
Dr. Komarovsky about tantrums
The well-known pediatrician, whose opinion is listened to by many modern mothers, is quite calm about children's tantrums. He believes that for them the child needs a viewer. He will never hysteria in front of a washing machine or TV. For the "performance" the child chooses the most sensitive member of his family. If mom calmly responds to tantrums, crying in front of her will be uninteresting. This role is more suitable for the grandmother, who will try in every possible way to please her beloved grandson. So it turns out that the child is hysterical, and the adult fulfills his wishes.
Unlike most child psychologists who believe that the baby does not control behavior during crying, Dr. Komarovsky believes that he is fully aware of the whole situation. The pediatrician recommends that parents do not react to what is happening around, no matter how loud the child stomps his feet. But at the same time, it is extremely important that all family members adhere to such tactics of behavior.
To avoid the situation when the child is hysterical before bedtime, the doctor recommends taking more walks with the baby in the fresh air, providing age-appropriate physical activities that will help him get tired during the day, and therefore fall asleep faster.
Important Parenting Tips
Mom and dad Dr. Komarovsky gives the following tips:
- Teach your child to express his emotions in words. Like any other person, such feelings as anger, anger, irritation are not alien to the baby. But to get something is not necessary to cry. Most often, it’s good enough to ask about it.
- Dr. Komarovsky believes that if a child is hysterical, he should be looked after as little as possible and sent to kindergarten as quickly as possible. There will be no spectators in the form of mom and dad, which will benefit the baby.
- Tantrums can be predicted and prevented. You just need to carefully watch the baby and find out when they appear. It is important to try to circumvent such conflict situations.
- Sometimes during heavy crying, children hold their breath. To make a child take a breath, you need to blow him in the face. So says Dr. Komarovsky.
- In a situation where children hysteria, you need to go to the end. If a child learns to manipulate his parents, coping with him in his teens will be much more difficult. The child will grow up a hysterical and selfish person.
The opinion of psychologists: tantrums are good
The "performance" with tears in the middle of the street is shameful and unpleasant. At least that's what most mothers in our country think. Moreover, when a child is constantly hysterical, not only his nervous system, but also the psyche of family members suffers from this. True, recent research by scientists proves the opposite. It turns out that tantrums should not be avoided at all, since they are an important part of the emotional health of the baby. And that's why:
- During crying, the body is released from the stress hormone - cortisol. As a result, if at the moment of tantrum the mother is ready to support near the baby, his emotional state improves. That's why, after hysteria, hugs of mother are so important for a child.
- The baby will sleep better. If you do not throw out emotions during the day, the dream will be weak, superficial. When a child holds back emotions, they continue to rage inside.
- Hysteria in response to the word "no", said by the mother, allows the child to understand the boundaries of what is permitted. And there really is nothing wrong with that.
- Tantrums bring children together with their parents, but only if they adhere to the rules of behavior during an attack.
- When a child gets older, he will cry much less than his peers. With age, he will learn to regulate his emotions, his mental state will become stable, and his nervous system will be stronger.
It is important not to forget that with the child you need to talk about every situation, learn to find compromises and help each other.