Obscene words and obscene language on the lips of a young child sound terrible, shocking their parents. Before you learn about how to wean a child from swearing, you must first find the reason. The advice of psychologists and real-life methods will help solve this problem.
What is a mat and why is it bad?
To swear words include all swear words used to insult the interlocutor and express their negative reaction to any phenomenon or other people. Their use is considered immoral and unacceptable in society. Many curses are used not only for expressing strong emotions, but also as parasitic words for linking expressions in a spoken sentence. Which is evidence of the poor vocabulary of this person.
There are families where the use of foul language is considered the norm. Such a language is spoken in the house, not paying attention to the opinions of others. However, the overwhelming majority of educated people have a negative attitude to this, especially the use of swearing in children’s speech disturbs them. Parents who have heard mate from the lips of their child should think about how to wean the child from swearing. This will help him in the future to successfully and harmoniously exist in an intellectual environment and achieve heights in his career and life.
Where do the children get the curses from?
The source from where the child takes the “swearing” words can be not only dysfunctional relationships in the family, but also neighbors, the Internet, television, friends, etc.
Children of any age use obscene words in different situations and in different ways:
- babies of two or three years old are picked up by “abuse” often unconsciously, having heard it somewhere by chance and not even knowing the meaning;
- children of five years old are already more cunning and insidious: they know that it’s bad and often swear already for a certain purpose - to attract the attention of parents or other adults in any way, even not very pleasant;
- older children (5-10 years old) use mat for protest, thus demonstrating their independence from despotism or the disciplinary requirements of elders;
- teenagers use obscene language for their own self-affirmation among their classmates, gaining credibility.
Reasons for Using Mat
The most common reasons children use swear words:
- repetition of words heard in the house or from acquaintances;
- a way to overcome fear for shy children, as curses give the illusion of power;
- expression of negative emotions (resentment, anger, disappointment) with the help of psychological discharge in the form of abuse.
The main mistakes of parents
Psychologists recommend that parents do not be scared and do not lose their heads when they hear swear words spoken by the child. Too violent negative reaction can affect children negatively. Therefore, parents are advised to avoid such actions:
- apply physical punishment for swearing (hit on the lips, make mouth wash and others), because it will cause a reaction and hostility, cause psychological trauma;
- prohibit the use of "bad" words categorically without giving an explanation;
- translate the situation as a joke, pretending that it can amuse everyone;
- bring up and shame children with outsiders, which will cause bitterness and self-closure;
- try to find out from the child the source from which he derived swear words, because the use of pressure can spoil relationships in the family;
- the use of curses by the parents themselves and the simultaneous ban for the child lead to educational dissonance;
- make attempts to isolate the child from the outside world, which is impossible now, in the era of maximum information accessibility.
However, to pretend that nothing terrible has happened is also not a good way out of the situation. Then the child will decide that there is nothing bad in swearing, and will make efforts to improve it and increase the negative vocabulary.
If the child is 3-5 years old
At the age of three, babies begin a period of personality formation, which is often accompanied by moods and a desire to do “the opposite”, and parents are unable to understand the explanations of their parents that “this is bad”. Therefore, to wean a child from swearing at 3 years old is possible only by his indifference to the spoken words. You can’t scold!
When the kid uttered an obscene word, laughing or showing his emotions is not recommended. It’s better to pretend that nothing happened. And then turn his attention to something else. If it is possible to create a precedent in order to scold him for something else (for example, pick up paper for drawing and strictly say that mom needs it).
Many children at this age easily catch the emotions that accompany the pronouncing of swear words, and understand that adults say them when they are angry. Often they provoke parents and test their reaction, figuring out for themselves the boundaries of possible disobedience. In order to wean a child from swearing at 4 years old, one can already try to explain that bad words can offend a person and agree that it is better not to pronounce them in your family.
A child 5-7 years old is swearing, what should I do?
As early as 5 years old, children are able to understand that swearing is bad, at that age they already begin to be afraid of punishment. Therefore, to answer the question of how to wean a child from swearing at 5 years old, parents are recommended to use the “carrot and stick” method. After explaining about the ugly and indecent words of the baby, you can warn about the impending punishment for repeating the situation. Be sure to fulfill your promise, because then the child will no longer believe that corrective measures will be taken against him for using curses (they will not be allowed to watch cartoons or will not buy ice cream).
One of the methods how to wean a child from swearing at 6 years old can be "fairy tale therapy". At this age, all girls dream of becoming princesses, and boys dream of becoming knights. You just need to come up with a fairy tale about how "bad" words stole the princess, who was then saved by a knight, etc.
Pronunciation by children of bad words in a kindergarten or at home is often caused by a desire to attract the attention of adults, especially among children deprived of parental care. In such a situation, you need to analyze the attitude towards your child, more often contact with him, ask about experiences and hobbies, but do not read moral to him.
How to wean a child to swear at 7 years old
At 7-8 years old, children enter an age when the desire for independence increases, because many already go to school, where they communicate more with peers. It is there that they can hear new, not very decent words. Parents, trying to present the former strict requirements, receive protests in response, which are often expressed in the rudeness and use of the mat. In this situation, psychologists advise gradually reducing custody of the child, more often giving him a choice, while exercising soft control.
To wean a child to swear at the age of 7, you should teach him to express his anger in a different way and control his own emotions:
- ask to tell about what he does not like, and to find out who he is angry with, but without obscene language;
- promise your child your support;
- try to find out from him the goals that he wants to achieve, and offer help in their implementation or find an alternative.
The main task in this situation is to teach the child to cope with his negative emotions without resorting to insulting other people, and to know that his parents will always support him.
When a child is 8-10 years old
After the period of adaptation, children of primary school age are well mastered among their classmates and begin to stare at those older, trying to imitate them in order to appear older. This is often manifested in the use of curses. Methods of how to wean a child from swearing at 8 years of age and older should differ from children's methods.
At this age, it will be interesting for young people to learn that the use of mate is very common among criminals and bandits, which parents should talk about. Psychologists recommend showing films about the lives of those who end up in the children's colony, and this should be taken seriously, as later perceptions of the child may change. Due to poor communication at school, he will form a distorted view of the ways of expressing his emotions and the culture of speech.
At the age of 8-10 years, many children choose the ideal for imitation in the form of a cartoon or movie hero, a popular singer, etc. If the chosen character uses obscene language, then the child begins to copy it, trying to seem more mature and strong. The task of parents seeking to wean a child from swearing at 10 and 9 years old is not to “muddy” the hero, but to explain why it is worth imitating only the best features of a given person, and not copying his shortcomings, which include the mat.
Your child should understand that blind imitation of another person is not correct, you should learn independent thinking and the ability to formulate your thoughts in normal words. In such a period, parents need to monitor what they read and what films the younger generation is watching.
When a child is 10-12 years old
Young children often try to veil obscenities about their social problems in life: poor relationships with classmates, parents, failures in the game of football and others. Hearing reproaches and criticism from all sides, they understand that they are considered bad and begin to behave accordingly negatively, using obscene expressions.
Here are some recommendations on how to wean a child from swearing at 10 years of age: parents should make efforts to increase the self-esteem of the younger generation, help them establish contacts with peers; it’s better not to use offensive nicknames (ignoramus, slut, lazy person), but to express wishes in a milder form. For example, you could say this: "I am upset by your unwillingness to clean the room ...".
Adolescence
Entering the next period of growing up, the most difficult and controversial, adolescents try to assert themselves among their peers, gain their respect. Often they do this by using indecent expressions. At the age of 12-15, children are less likely to listen to the advice of their parents, and are more equal to the authority of friends or their idols.
The method of persuasion and stories that people do not use swear words in a civilized society will not affect the teenager in any way. One of the options for weaning a mother over 12 years old can be an example of a person whom a daughter or son respects, and the fact that he does not use a “mat”. Another method - pressure and punishment - involves the imposition of any sanctions or deprivation of pocket money for using curses in your family and school.
The main task of parents with teenage children is to be patient and survive this period. Indeed, growing up, a daughter or son themselves will understand that the use of obscene words in the adult world is an indecent fact and will negatively affect the attitude of others around them.
Advice and recommendations of psychologists
The methods of education and application of methods, how to wean a child from swearing, completely depend on the age and nature of the offspring, as well as the sequence of the rules by the parents themselves. Therefore, the main recommendations are as follows:
- never in a family use swear words and swear in the presence of children;
- to pay attention to the offspring that the mat is usually a sign of ignorance and backwardness of people who could not achieve success in life;
- if after an educational conversation the child continues to express himself, it is better to punish him, clearly explaining the reason;
- try to form a positive self-esteem in the child so that he can consider himself a personality, and not try to imitate others;
- provide constant psychological and social assistance to their children in order to protect themselves in time from a hostile world, otherwise they will begin to defend themselves using their methods, using profanity;
- observe and adjust (while it is possible at an early age) the social circle, help to find good friends;
- An original, but effective method is to increase the availability of a stock of curses: to give a dictionary or a collection of profanity to read;
- You can wean a teenager to swear only if you establish friendly and trusting relationships with him, talk frankly and, having found the reason for this behavior, make a proposal on using other ways to communicate with your friends.
The most important thing is that the fight against obscenities does not affect family relationships, which should always be friendly and benevolent.